My daughter is 12 and now starting to ask questions about her dad that I don’t know how to answers. I was 19 when I found out I was 6 months pregnant. Complete surprise and too far along to terminate. I had my drink spiked 6 months earlier and obviously that is the result. I had seen the GP and taken the morning after pill and had tests early on and pregnancy wasn’t discovered. I am unsure if the person who spiked my drink is who is the father or someone else. She is now at the age she’s got questions and I don’t know how to answer them nor do I want to lie to her.
4 Replies
See a counsellor and work with them to figure out the best way to tell her this. If she is a product of rape then that is pretty big, she will need help to untangle that.
She doesn't need that detail. My cousin is a child of rape and it was extremely hard to process. It impacted on her own self image because she was angry at her own genetics. Tell her something much simpler. You might choose to tell her the detail and truth when she's older, but at 12 I'd keep it really simple.
Perhaps 'it wasn't something that lasted and because you didn't know you had conceived you didn't have any means of getting back in contact and you're sorry but you can't tell her more, but you love her more than anything?
I haven’t told her anything as yet. I said I don’t want to lie to you but you’re a bit too young to know now. I wasnt planning on bringing up to her that it was an assault I was just going to let her know it was a one night stand and leave it as that. But I don’t know how to word it for her age (once she’s a bit older)
12 year olds are pretty clued on, she probably knows what a one night stand is and if she doesn't then she is old enough to know.
"I met your Dad at a night club when I was really young and we spent the night together, I never saw him again. Then I found out I was pregnant and I didn't know his name or any details to tell him."
That is truthful without too much detail. Be aware of all the DNA family tree sites though, she could easily track her father's relatives down or even him when she is older and start contacting him. If it is the man that date raped you then is that something you could live with? I wouldn't be able to let my daughter contact a man like that without her knowing the truth first.