I have no idea if I’ve overreacted to a situation with my husband or not… please be kind!
Last night my husband and I had a pretty big argument over a situation I’ve just discovered and am not too comfortable with
My husband works for a large company and has a lot of female staff there. There is one female colleague in particular I’ve noticed has been in contact with him on and off over a long period of time (I’ve seen notifications come through on his work phone that she has messaged him via instagram) and while I’ve wondered what the nature of the messages are, I haven’t ever felt the need to check.
While he was gone, I barely heard from him - one phone call and absolutely zero text messages. I assumed he was busy, and i was flat out at home with work, school and other commitments off the back of a bout of gastro in our home for the last week. Fast forward to last night, he returned home from a week of working away from myself and our two kids.. He was spending time with our kids and I noticed a message popped up from her and my curiosity couldn’t contain itself.
I opened the message (I know I am 100% in the wrong there and should not have done that) and was quite shocked to see the regular communication between them, especially while he was working away.
It’s been occurring since late last year and seems to have quite a flirty tone to it. They have been exchanging photos on occasion they started at their Christmas party (while I stayed home to look after my sick child) and often has an “x” at the end of the messages. She has recently started calling him “angel face” and I’m just baffled by it. I’ve confronted him about it and he says there’s absolutely nothing there but I’m just so conflicted by the message exchange.
Am I overthinking a “friendship” between two colleagues who happen to be opposite sex or is there a reason to take issue with the message exchange?
6 Replies
Hugs mumma. This must’ve been such a big shock for you and your heart Must’ve just broken as you read the messages. That is so hard but I think in my opinion, this is wrong, and it seems like it would be in yours too. Do they see each other every day at work as well as the messages?
If he says absolutely nothing wrong with it, and she’s just a friend then will he let you read through all the messages? Or have you already? It seems as though it’s the start of an emotional affair perhaps. I don’t have much advise on sorry 💗
Is she single? I remember I dated a guy a million years ago and his office receptionist would ALWAYS message him on his day off when he was home with myself and my daughter things like “can’t wait to have coffee with you tomorrow X” when actually The entire office went out for coffee on Fridays so she was Just trying to cause trouble for the sake of it. It killed me but I actually don’t think anything happened.
Could you get into counseling before it gets worse? My inbox is open if you want to chat / vent. Good luck xx
Compare it to any other friend that he has, is it the same? If not then he's probably not being completely honest with you.
If it’s just friends tell him to invite her and her partner over for a meal
So you can both be friends
My gut is that she wants more than friends and he’s not shutting her down and willingly being involved in the flirty behaviour
He’s a married man and needs to protect his family
Do not let him make you believe you are being paranoid/over reacting etc
We are 30 years married
It’s a choice
He needs to choose you
She is nothing in the big scheme of things and needs to detach from her
no not overreacting at all! My husband had a friendship like this and when questioned it i was told i was jealous and told i had the problem. i was too scared to question again and 5 yrs later i found out they were having an affair the whole time. Trust your gut feeling. Sorry to say this but men think with their penis an awful lot!
Not at all!
There is something going on. Even if it is not sexual in nature, it is emotional. Emotional affairs are just as damaging, if not more so. If there was nothing going on, he would have told you about the messages and not lied about the time they spent together.
If he is dismissive of how you feel, then he has no intention to change.
If it makes you uncomfortable and questioning the relationship, he should be putting your relationship first and cutting contact with her. His pride and ego should not become before you!! If he cares, he will listen to you and not be dismissive.
If he doesn't end it, it is something more. I have been here and wished I walked away sooner.
It doesn't stop.
Wishing you all the best, lovely! Xx
Not overreacting, it is not ok to call your male married colleague ‘Angel face’! FIFO is rife with this. You have some hard decisions to make but you’ve got this. Hugs