I don’t know what I’m asking or how it can be fixed but just need to ‘say it out loud’
I’ve been seeing this man for 18mo. He is the most kind caring considerate man I’ve ever dated. We don’t fight. I can talk to him about anything any concerns and I know he will listen to me and discuss it like adults. There’s no putting down or bagging just talk and ways to resolves any issues. He’s given me so much love and support. My two kids absolutely adore him. He has been amazing for them and helped them become amazing happy kids. It melts my heart how much they love him.
My issue is. I love him. I really do. And I appreciate him and all he’s done for me and my kids.
I find him attractive. He has the most amazing eyes and smile. But yet the sexual thing isn’t there. He loves me lusts after me and wants me. And I feel like I have to play it up to him. Which is not nice for me or for him if he knew. He knows I’m not as sexually active as him and again he’s super understanding. But I’m confused as to why I’m not sexually attracted to him. ??? My partner before him was wild sex loved it!! And now it’s nothing.
And please don’t think I’m just using him. I do genuinely love him he is everything you could ever ask for in a partner.
What is wrong with me???!!!
Added: I’ve had blood tests. Not perimenopausal all bloods seem normal 🤷🏻♀️
5 Replies
Is it possible you're a accustomed to the highs and lows of a toxic relationship and now you're in a safe/healthy one, it feels boring to you? This is a common thing.
Yes. That is very possible! How do I fix that?
you could try some of these things
see a psychologist to unpack past trauma
stop looking for crazy passion and something to be wrong in your current relationship
just relax and appreciate what you have for now
allow yourself time to adjust to a healthy relationship
trust that if this relationship isnt meant to be, eventually it will come to an end, stop analysing for now and trust that you do love him
reevaluate what is truly important to you in a relationship i.e. being treated with respect and feeling loved 23 hours with 1 hour normal sex versus 1 hour of wild sex and 23 hours of poor treatment
try to find ways to spice things up, like role playing, naughty texts during the day, toys, exploring each others fantasies etc
an inherent want to change, to not want to relive the same mistakes over, to understand the merry go round has longevity, whilst the rollercoaster is more fun in the moment, but it's short lived and leaves you sick if you're on too long.
if you get to a point where the attraction just isn't there, understand this guy may be a great guy, just not your guy. But learn from the experience and make his treatment of you the benchmark for all new relationships.
treat em' mean, keep em' keen is a saying for a reason, don't ever go back to that.
I love that!! That all makes so much sense!! Thank you ❤️
remember too, true, healthy, genuine, intimate love is a slow burn, it develops slowly over time.
the toxic intense fake love starts at 100% and reduces over time.