My partner has hit my child with a wooden toy and threw some soft toys at them. I found this out and when confronted him he was completely apologetic. Said he didn't no what was going on with him. His mental health has deteriorated alot due to an injury and this is totally out of character for him.He's never done anything like this. Our relationship has been amazing. I'm so confused what to do
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These are the type of incidents people write off as once off, out of character events but they actually are massive warning signs!
It might’ve just been a whack with a wooden toy and lobbing a couple of stuffed animals but a violent outburst is a violent outburst! If he is that emotionally and mentally disregulated, he's not a safe person to have around your child.
Your partner needs some help, whether or not you support him through that is entirely up to you but you need to prioritise your child's safety first.
He's not here anymore and is getting help. I just don't no if I can trust him again
You should know…
You have to draw a line now, he has to get help immediately and be committed to it (want to do it himself). In the meantime he can’t be around your child alone and if that means he has to go stay with family while he gets help so be it. Your child and him both need to know this is not acceptable and will never happen again
He's not here now. My little boy is non verbal autistic. I don't no if I can trust him again now. I can't get it out my head
I few months ago my husband threw a ceramic cup at our 10 year old. It landed on his foot and he needed 8 stitches. He took him to the hospital and spoke to our son about it and about how it wasn't okay he (husband) did that and apologied. It was completely out of character for him also. I wasn't here at the time and I felt terrible. Everything was running threw my head, I felt like I let my kids down, was it the start of more to come? Should I leave? Etc I talked to my psychologist about it and she suggested act for kids come out and get to know us and our family dynamic. They are people to try and help prevent anything getting worse and going to child services. We had them out every week for a month and have just been told they are not needed here. They spoke to the kids and us, spoke to my partner about the incident and can tell we've done the right things since. He acknowledged what he did, he apologized to our kids and told them that wasn't the right things to do and we've made steps to learn and get help. While I'm not saying do nothing, I'm saying don't jump to moving out. I think your partner needs to get some help, but if you can see him being remorseful and taking those steps that's what's important. If he doesn't do that then I'd be more concerned.
Side note- I was told by my psychologist and act for kids that child services wouldn't even get involved for something like that, while it shouldn't happen, unfortunately there is a lot worse out there.
Getting help is the first step
He's not my child's father. Their dad has no contact. He's been amazing taking on 4 kids, 2 with autism. Some days can be very stressful. So when this happened I couldn't believe it. He has already been and seen someone and is waiting for support now. He did that himself. He acknowledged what he did and wants to fix it. I'm just worried if I take him back all my family will go against me. It's alot of stress to deal with
Why would you want him back??
He was really good with the kids even my 14 year old daughter. He is a good person I just don't understand why this happened
We have 4 too, 2 on the spectrum, it is insanely hard. I think it's amazing that he's gone and done that himself a lot of men wouldn't/dont. I understand the family thing but you know him best and your kids. If he's getting help I think that says a lot. But I mean if anything happened again that would be it for me, I wouldnt risk it anymore after a second time. I know it's a harder decision because he's step dad, I don't know if my decision would of been the same if it was a step parent because I haven't experienced that.
You know your family best 😌
Why is it amazing? He’s getting “help” to be manipulative! He was caught out and would like a second chance to be abusive!!. Women really need to educate themselves on these types of men. Put your children first!!!
What concerns me the most is that you are confused about what to do? Why would you invite such a man to be near your children? You are their mum. You put them first. He leaves. End of. No question!!!