A few months ago, I woke to an image that I will never shake. It was between two of the people I loved the most. One I have forgiven and am moving on with for the sake of our daughter. But the other I can never forget the level of betrayal and hurt she (sudo-mum-sort-of-thing) caused as the protagonist in the situation.
I am undergoing psychological help to heal myself from the trauma, but something new has happened.
All photos of this person have been removed from our home, so I don't see her face anywhere, but if I try to recall it in my mind's eye, I see the face of my biological mother (who is not in my life as of 10yrs ago), who caused a ridiculous amount of childhood trauma.
I'm thinking this is my subconscious branding her as radioactive, a danger, so putting the bios face is basically a "danger" sign.
Have any of you encountered this before? Am I displaying a natural response to trauma?
This whole situation killed large parts of the 'lovable' parts of me, and I lost majority of my support circle, my sisterhood, and I've just been feeling alone, worthless, unloved, I've wanted to die to not hurt anymore, but I cannot and will not do that to my daughter. So I continue on, but am a shell of who I once was.
3 Replies
This sounds really sad! I am assuming your partner and mother were doing something they shouldn't have been, or am I on the wrong track? Whatever it is, it sounds like the final straw in a lifetime of trauma inflicted upon you by this woman and you have done the right thing by cutting her out. Theres nothing you can do to make her a better person and you have done the right thing by putting up your boundaries and removing her pictures. I wouldn't have them either.
I would not continue moving on with my partner if I'm right in what has happened. That is too unforgivable for me, there's just no way either of them would be part of my life. I would make sure your mum is completely cut from your daughters life as well, if she has caused her own daughter this much pain she will do it to her granddaughter too.
Its times like this when we learn who our real friends and support people are, sometimes that's nobody but its a good time to clean out those people who do not have our best interests at heart. Keep your head high, find some new people and if it feels like your circle is too intertwined with your mothers then create a new one. Move if you have to, a fresh start where nobody knows you or your history and isn't going to believe gossip can be life changing and so good for your mental health.
It wasn't my bio mother, it was a woman who came later to my life who acted like and called herself my mum.
I agree - by forgiving him. The act keeps her in your life. Like an Anchor.
Cut them both. Start fresh for you! Build on your worth. Start with doing things you enjoy or that bring you peace.