Am I the only mum here that has no friendships? I honestly have no one I can call a friend. I am neurodivergent and in my 40s and I don’t really fancy making new friends. I wish I were able to be friends with people I know but there is no reciprocation.
How do you build and maintain friendships in this busy, detached world?
4 Replies
I find it really hard to make friends, it doesn't come naturally to me. I think joining a group that is specific to something about you like a support group helps to form bonds with people over time because people are more open, more interested in you and also show vulnerability and have empathy for you. You could also try other groups that are the same people every week so you have time to build a bond like sporting groups, craft groups. You could join a camping group for families. A trick to start a conversation with someone is to compliment something about them like jewellery, tattoo, car (not looks or anything physical) then they will usually reply with a short story like "thanks I got it from Singapore" then that gives you something to build on like "wow I've never been there but want to go, what is it like". If their first reply is flat and one worded don't bother trying to relate they don't want to talk!
I keep my circle small and very deliberately do so. I have some friends from childhood that I reach out to randomly but the rest are just acquaintances. I tried to push myself out there and then realised I actually did not want those friendships and was happier being alone. I do not have the energy some of those friendships require and I love my own space. I tried but was trying to make myself fit into everyone else's expectations of me. If you really want friendships, I would think of your interests e.g. reading and then join a book club for example so you have something to bond over. But it's also okay to be alone if that's what you prefer ;)
Have you tried finding groups online, like social card groups, or maybe a sporting group. Painting classes, craft groups. It's helped me a little. Even though I'm not going out and hanging out with ppl out side of these groups, I'm still socializing with adults and friendships are slowly building.
My best friend of more than 10 years just broke up with me. I mean - female best friend. We used to spend hours on the phone. She had me caring for her - but only at her wants. Wouldn't DO anything to fix the situation so this didn't stop happening, wouldn't let ME do anything that would prevent her from injuring herself - for the last 2 years - I was weekly hounding her. (The house is a hoarders nightmare and she's morbidly obese and needs a walker.) Do we see the problem now? She made me not tell her mother when she was in hospital - because she fell on her stuff and messed her back up further. That was the beginning of my last straw. I was at her house, feeding her outside only cat. Looked in the glass in the front door - I was mortified. Gave her an ultimatum. Fix it - let me fix it - or I will go to your mother. She lost it and said some truly awful things. I called her out on it - that I love her but I was sick to death of her lies. Told her that I don't judge her except for the fact that her mouth was writing cheques that her body couldn't cash! She broke with me. So - I did what I HAD to do - and I told her mother anyway.