Hi sisterhood.
This is long.
My hubby (together for 36 years) is going through some stuff. He’s seeing a psychologist and she has told him to share what triggers some of his reactions and why.
Tonight my adult son was making his chair wobble and he politely said please don’t. Then proceeded to tell us a little of what he’s been talking about.
Beaten as a child for not following the rules.
Hubby now 52, has progressively changed over the last 5 years with his expectations of us. If it’s not done to his liking he’ll make you feel bad about it. Or when his space becomes untidy it’s up to us to help clean/tidy it. Then to be told not good enough and just re-does it.
But tonight when he shared something I asked if there is any accountability on his behalf for making us feel the way he was treated though? Not good enough or worthy. While I respect he has been through stuff, I think he still needs to be accountable.
The other day when he was having a moment, he said “ I’m sorry for making you suffer.” In a spiteful way. I was angry with the situation at the time because in my opinion the emotions attached were directed at me. Rather than blow my top I just walked away and stayed distant. He asked if I was angry and I said yes and told him why. I apparently attacked him.
Maybe I do attack but I don’t feel like I’m heard and there is no accountability for his actions behavior or words.
Am I wrong for wanting this?
3 Replies
He sounds like a narcissist
I suspect he's being encouraged to share so that he has support. He won't be good at self reflection until he has processed his trauma. Perhaps you could have some joint sessions so that you are on the same page. I'm not saying accept bad behaviour... But understand it so that you can help him heal rather than be a barrier
No matter what his childhood was like. There is also a present he needs to live in, which involves treating the people around him with respect and love. His therapist is not good with fostering good family relationships and has not explained to him just because he gets to share his feelings does not allow him to abuse and treat his family like shit. What he is doing is a form of abuse. If he wants a space cleaned to his liking he can do it himself, if he is annoyed at by the actions of others he needs to step away outside and go finish his meal there. He needs to deal with his own past and not Percy other people to make things better for him.