Not for Facebook please!!
Don’t think I’ve ever seen anything more heartbreaking than my boyfriend crying because he thinks he’s not good enough for me. He’s convinced he can’t give me everything I need, because he’s an addict and reckons he lets down anyone he loves and they leave him.
He doesn’t understand he’s not just an addict…he’s a traumatised person using substances to medicate his pain and that I love every single bit of him, the good, bad and ugly.
Unlike other women, I’m not leaving him. I don’t believe relationships are disposable.
I know it’s hard when you’re fiending for drugs, coming down and feeling less than loveable. Add in not seeing his kids and Father’s Day coming up and no wonder he feels like he’s not worth it.
He is. Beyond all measure.
This lad needs to know there are good women in this world and he has the best.
I know he’s damaged but he’s still beautiful.
He told me I’m better off without him and his bs, so I went over and held him all night.
I think he’s depressed. Thoughts??
10 Replies
The other women didn't leave because they believe relationships are disposable, especially the mother of his kids, they left because they had no choice. Sorry, you're an idiot.
Let's see how you fair when he gets physical with you, goes missing for days/probably cheating, steals all your money, ruins your credit rating, pawns your possessions, terrorizes/frightens and endangers his own kids and yours, if you have any.
Depression lol the house is on fire and you're focusing on the flames on the front lawn.
Everything he said is true, he may be an addict, but he's honest.
Feel sorry for his kids on fathers day, they deserve it.
Are you the same woman with an 18 year old son, smoking dope in his trailer?
Wake up!
Wow, rude!! He actually developed his addiction after his missus left him for another man and went off with the kids.
it doesn't matter how it came about, he's an addict and the consequences are the same and you're still an idiot.
my ex left me and you know what i did (like many other single mums), i maintained custody and was too busy putting my kids first, working and supporting them to have the time or money to wallow in my own self-pity,
the only people i feel sorry for are the kids, who no longer have a fully functioning father.
they will carry this baggage with them into adulthood.
you should be ashamed of yourself feeling sorry for him on fathers day.
is the sex and weed really that good?
you don't even know the real him, that won't happen until her gets sober.
you have an unhealthy saviour complex, i suggest therapy.
https://www.verywellmind.com/savior-complex-8357155
if you told me he has been an addict since he was young, wrong crowd, bad childhood, too young to know better, i would have more sympathy. but to become one as an adult and a father over being left, which happens to many of us, no death of a child, warzone etc. makes me think he's self-absorbed. there are legal avenues to gain custody, if he wasn't given access, this is the kind of stuff he should have focused on.
he's drawn you in, hook, line and sinker.
you're too good for me, i'm bad, i;m not a good person urghhh yes you are, you're amazing urghhh i'll never leave you...literally handing him the gun to pull the trigger, a green light to say and do whatever he wants.
"Don't think I've ever seen anything more heartbreaking".....really, maybe go to his kid's house on father's day and watch their faces when their mother has to tell them again that as you know, dad is having some issues and isn't safe to be around at the moment. or their faces at a special event at school when all their friends have their fathers there, or at christmas time, when all their uncles are there, but not their dad, or they need advice or help.
He has FULL control of the situation, he can get clean, they have NO CONTROL, all they can do is just wait and wait.
Now that's HEARTBREAKING, you silly woman.
My husband was like your partner. He was a meth addict. I gave him 14years to change and I listened to his BS lies more than enough. I was stupid. Unless they want help and follow through with it, never, ever believe their tears, and self pity. He will use you, lie to you, cheat you & damage you, until it breaks you. Trust me.
Good Luck if you stay with an addict. You're going to going to need it. They're the best manipulators and you'll be left picking up your own pieces.
I'm so sorry you went through that x
His past girlfriends didn’t fail. They didn’t let him down. It’s not there job to fix him. There comes a point where you have to save yourself.
I’ve been there and have the certificate. Addiction experts will be discouraging your partner from starting a relationship until he is sober/clean.
He has a very long road ahead of him and he needs professional help and guidance, not a co-dependent girlfriend.
If he does have trauma and psychological issues, that’s pretty common, but can’t be effectively treated while he is still actively using. So until he decides he ready to detox (which usually requires a treatment program, so he doesn’t go through medically dangerous withdrawels) he won’t get better, in any of the other areas of his life.
The kindest thing you can do for him, is set a boundary that he genuinely works on his addiction issues, and seeks treatment.
Anything else is just enabling and I really do hope you don’t have kids, cause it’s not fair to them to invite this into the kids lives.
PS drugs and alcohol are depressants! Even if you get a high from them, even a non addict will have a depressive period as they come down.
If he is truly depressed he is doing the exact opposite thing he should be doing to treat it.
Drugs and alcohol can cause depression.
He needs help. He acknowledges that he has a problem, so he needs to seek professional help for it. Please pay more attention to the behaviour, especially when you are dealing with addiction.
The issue is that if he does not access help, then you are reinforcing the excuses e.g. you're a good person, it's other people and not you etc. You are gradually becoming his enabler.
You're possibly highly empathetic and hate to see other people hurting because let's face it.. you've known pain yourself and at some point you've decided to try to stop others from having to feel the same way. Am I right?
The problem is it does not help. Instead it results in you sacrificing more and more of yourself as you become a part of that cycle.
Please reflect on how to protect yourself. Boundaries and please, please, please do not move in with him. Offer him resources he can access. If he does not actively access them, you have your answer about his intentions around addressing his problems and motivation to change.
You do not want to be his therapist, you want to enjoy time with him. And you never want someone to choose you when they are mentally unwell and need someone to lean on. You want them to choose you because you are you <3 Please reflect on this some more...