New step mum in need of advice.
I gave my step son money to buy his dad a father's day gift from the school stall.
Their mum has said she had it sorted and that's not to happen again in the future so she will return the money?
Did I over step? My kids have a step mum and I love that she's involved and I would never get mad that she gave 'my kids' money for their dad ?
5 Replies
As a bio mum, I would absolutely love it if my son's step mum took this kind of initiative and cared enough to do this.
I'm just imagining how crushed that little boy would've been. How petty on her behalf!
I don't think you remotely overstepped but I'd be mindful of this going forward, maybe next time help him with some home made gifts or do some baking etc. Just something on "dad's" time that she can't hurt her son with by acting out of spite.
She might have been trying to be considerate letting the OP know that it's all fine and that she doesn't need to finance it. Returning the money might have been thoughtful? Father's day stall gifts are pretty bad and mum and son might have picked out something better elsewhere on purpose?
OP when the mum returns the money, maybe get a feel for whether she is unhappy or trying to be considerate.
I think it would have been good to check what normally happens. I grew up with parents that both remarried by the time I was 2. I had a good relationship with my step mum and step dad. Neither of them had any involvement in helping me get presents for my parents. So ... if my husband and I separated, I would feel like I was being pushed out if a new girlfriend tried to facilitate this. I would still see this as my responsibility and a way to keep things with their dad amicable.
On another hand, I have friends that don't get along with their ex. If their spouses gave the kids money for father's day it would probably lead to arguments over child support.
I think that you did nothing wrong and she could have acknowledged that your heart was in the right place... But I think it's helpful to suss out what is appreciated vs what might overstep because every separated family will be different.
As an ex I’d be relieved that I didn’t have to handle Father’s Day any more.
I don’t think you did anything wrong, but just be wary for future interactions, that while you are ready to step into a role, she isn’t ready for you to do that yet.