What is wrong with me?

I feel like there is something wrong with me.

My family are very against this and I guess it’s ingrained into me that it’s not normal.

I have ALWAYS right from a young as looked at females and found them more attractive than males.

The older I’m getting the more I wonder what life would be like if I could just be me.

I’ve only had one serious partner which was my child’s dad and we have no contact and Dvo orders.

I’ve been on my own for 10 years and sometimes I think about what I want.

I’ve tried the looking for a boyfriend/husband thing but nothing feels “right”

I often think about what being with a women would be like. I find myself checking out women instead of men.

I hear people make comments about people that are lesbian at work and this than makes me think even more about not going there.

I feel like something is missing in my life but I also don’t know if I want to be in the drama that will come if I go there.

How do I even look at dating a women? How do I find someone who won’t rush me into things but allow me to be me and be ok with that and get the courage to make life decisions.

It’s so engrained into me that you must have a husband and the typical life like that.

Anyone have any thoughts or words of wisdom for me?

One struggling Mumma.