Sorry, this is really long My daughter is 12yo. We suspect she is AuADHD - the wait list here is very long so the school and I are making accommodations based on our understanding there is something there.
She has always been overweight and very self-conscious about her appearance. Her school recognised early on and she has been invited to many self-esteem programs. We also tried to support her, without focusing on 'diet' or 'weight loss'. Our language is very body positive.
It was at such a worrying level (her perception of self, not her weight) we also asked for help from our GP and from a paediatric dietician (who's primary focus was to tell her to practice 'mindful eating').
In short, we have tried everything we can to avoid an eating disorder. I have even asked on here over the years.
But over the past couple of months I have noticed a change in her behaviour :(
It started with her offering to serve our dinner. Or get us drinks. Then she started turning down certain foods. She started eating less, but still snacking frequently. The past few weeks, she started only eating half of her dinner. Exactly half.
It has escalated quite quickly. Today she woke me early and asked if I could boil 4 eggs because she would have 2 on a sandwich and then the other 2 for dinner because she worked out the calorie count.
Later, she told me how proud she was because over the past month her bmi has shifted from morbidly obese to overweight.
I should point out, she has ALWAYS worn long sleeves and baggy shirts. So I hadn't noticed until she mentioned it, but she has definitely lost weight.
There is NO help for families who have a genuine concern an ED is a real risk for their child. Like most things, the care is reactive.
And now I am so scared that it has started and I am not sure what to do? She won't go back to the dietician, she was pretty disappointed that she didn't really understand what they were trying to have her do.
I don't want to risk tipping her closer by having her sit with me telling a doctor. I just...I don't know what to do now?
Has she inched closer to an ED? Is she potentially already there? Will I make it worse if I call attention to it? I am lost.
5 Replies
She's counting calories and meal planning. She's not starving herself or vomiting. I wouldn't undermine her motivation. I would just encourage her to ensure she's still eating enough to be full by adding in salads etc. celebrate her success and encourage something that is still adding balance for her
Also, eating half a meal, then only eating half of what is remaining if you're still hungry after it settles is a common approach to mindful eating, especially in Europe
Try messaging 'Adhd besties' on Facebook or Instagram. They do a podcast and one of them is ADHD and the best healthy nutritionist I have heard of.
Make sure she understands exactly what calorie counting is about and where the calories should be coming from and how to balance it with all nutritional values
Ie proteins, iron, vitamins, calcium magnesium
Making concious choices about how she gets those calories to ensure her body gets everything it needs
You may need to ask her to tell you what she knows so you can ensure she is getting the right info
And introduce new ideas one at a time so she can process each one and understand
Just let her know you are there for her to help her when she doesn't know what to do but that it's also your responsibility as a parent to ensure she is taken care of properly so you would like her to be open with you about what she is doing and help her with it in a judgement free way
I would consider mitigating it from here now she has shown interest and take her to a family friendly gym so she can truely learn about calories in and calories out and how to be healthy.