Hi, I’m a sahm of 3 kids. I’ve worked on and off to help with bring in more income when my husband was on a lower income. Over a year ago I lost my job so went and studies however once I completed my course there wasn’t any jobs available so I kept looking for quite a while. In that time while looking for work my husband said that if I didn’t find something that suits our routine that it was ok ( hubby has to travel a bit for work)
We live very comfortably off my husbands income so it’s not a necessity for me to work.
My friend works causally and lives pay check to pay check, and we were both sahm when our kids were little. She asked was I still looking for work and I said at this stage I’m not as with husbands work schedule it’s not easy and at this stage I don’t have to. She then commented that it’s because I want to be a lady of leisure and don’t want to work.
I feel hurt and feel maybe she is angry that I don’t have to work at the moment.
When I was working we were in different financial situations and my friend was quite comfortable with her finances but now has been finding it harder.
We don’t flaunt money and we aren’t showy people
How do I bring up that the comments hurt without jeopardising the friendship.
4 Replies
You don't have to say anything. You both have different lifestyles and priorities. Neither of you is better/more financially stable than the other. Women tend to be worse off financially in later years, especially if there is a marriage break up/divorce, so working and building up super would be more important to some than to others. Concentrate on yourself and your kids. Run your own race.
I copped this comment a lot when SAHM. It's perception. I admit feeling jealous of other mums who were SAHM before I even had kids! More that I thought they were lucky their partners were high earners and they didn't have to carry that load.
I was wrong, of course. But when you're exhausted, have no time to yourself & have everyone expecting things it can look leisurely. (We don't see the difficulties).
You do you, feel confident in your choices, and don't worry about your friend. Be prepared to hear it a lot more, though. I didn't realise how low the respect from others was until I returned to work. Even AT work, on break, people were calling SAHP's lazy.
you do you and if you're happy, that's all that matters.
the truth is, and maybe she's thinking this, us single mums with NO partner manage to work and juggle things, so if you really wanted to work, you could. there are also lots of care options available these days.
i guarantee if your partner died tomorrow, you could find a way to make it work.
so maybe be more honest and say, we don't need the money and me being home suits our lifestyle and we both prefer it that way.
I have a friend who has some rather controversial views about sexual crimes. After a few conversations that made my blood boil I had to just say "For the sake of our friendship, this topic needs to be off limits". My friend was a little taken aback but she respected that and we moved past it really easily.
I don't know that you're at that point with your friend yet, one off hand remark is probably just worth letting slide to be honest but if it does become more consistent just put it simply "I think this might be a touchy subject for us, let's drop it, yeah?".