My relationship with my mum is horrible. I'm in my early 50s and she's in her mid 80s. She has always been a confident, independent woman. My Dad has just passed away. She ran the household. My older siblings have a good relationship with her. She forgets my children's birthdays (her grandchildren), my husbands name (no she doesn't have dementia). She talks over me when I talk about what's happening in mine or my children's life to her. I moved to Qld 30 yrs ago, she's in country Vic. So visiting hasn't been easy. I would go down with my children twice a year. She hasn't come up to see me, expect once when driving through Brisbane on her way to see her brother (20 yrs ago). I would ring her once a week. I now ring once a month. She never has called me. I feel that time is running out and, to be honest, I don't want to have remorse or guilt in the future. How do it get passed this feeling that Mum doesn't really like me & be ok with that??
2 Replies
I rarely ring my Mum because we aren't close and I feel like that's her fault. It's taken me years to think its her fault and not feel guilty for not seeing her but the older I get and the older my kids get, I realise that my Mum was wrong in how she treated me. She didn't abuse me growing up but there was a lack of love and general concern there. I know that know. I have also cut my Dad out years ago for forgetting my kids names every time I spoke to him on the phone, then he told everyone he was concerned for me because I wouldn't talk to him, this was 2 years after I cut him out and I missed 2 phone calls from him in that entire time lol. I thought my Mum was better but she's not, she's just better at remembering names.
My parents are terrible people. So I completely understand the complex emotions that come with difficult parental relationships.
I will say, acceptance and letting go is really liberating.
Accept that your mum is who she is.
Accept that she didn't treat you fairly or lovingly.
Accept that you deserved (and still do deserve) better!
You're allowed to protect your peace and you're allowed to let go of any remorse or guilt because it's not actually yours to carry.
I'll also say, you don't owe your aging mum anything - not your time, your care or support.