Hi
I’ve been in a relationship with my partner for two years. My kids and I moved in with him at the start of the year. He’s absolutely amazing with my kids. Treats them like his own and they love him like their own dad. He’s kind and caring. So different to anyone I’ve dated before.
My issue is I don’t think I’m ‘in love’ with him. I love him. But I have no sexual desire for him. I struggle to kiss him let alone anything else. If I’m honest I probably never did want/desire him in that way. I guess I just hoped it would grow in time. But it hasn’t. And I can see it’s effecting him. He just soo nice.
I’m worried about my kids. Should I stay and just fake it till they’re older (9 and 11yo) they would be devastated.
What do I do??
Stay or go
Stay or go
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
11 Replies
You stop using this guy and you take your kids and you move out.
Your kids will get over it better after 2 years than 5, 7, 10 years.
Imagine helping to raise kids that aren't yours for a woman who is not even sexually attracted to you.
This is why so many guys have issues urghhh make better life choices.
As if there aren't as many men out there that hook up with women for what they can do for them and don't really have true feelings. It's just as bad playing Dad to someone's kids when all you're really there for is the sex and getting waited on. Plenty of those around! Poor men pfffft lol.
Men who just want sex, don't generally move in, play house and care for kids in the beautiful way this man is if they just want sex.
They don't invest in the kids like this man is doing.
Plenty of men who just want sex and treat women badly, doesn't override the bad thing this woman is doing.
Men and women can both do the wrong thing, but this post is about this woman.
Good guys like this get jaded from being used, like good women who get played.
Moving in, potentially being financially supported by and allowing a man to step up and father your kids when you can't even stand to kiss him is absolutely disgusting and this woman should be ashamed.
She's a user.
See if your tiny brain can look at this PARTICULAR situation from the man's perspective.
She says the situation is affecting him, but all she's worried about are her kids, not his feelings.
She's willing to string this guy along for years!!
I think she also cares about herself and the creature comforts this guy brings to her life.
See if your tiny brain can remember your last sentence which generalised a whole group of women against a whole group of men, clearly not just commenting on this man's experience.
Yes, it is def a generalisation, you are right.
Could be right, could be wrong.
But if a woman is willing to lie for years to a man, pretending she loves him romantically for her kid's gain, knowing that after two years it is already hurting him, I wouldn't put anything past her.
No hint of a guilty conscience about doing it either.
It seems she is motivated by her own needs, so just connecting the dots, not a huge stretch.
Strong independent women with careers, success, wealth (from my circle) wouldn't dream of moving their kids in with a guy they've only been seeing for a year and they certainly want someone they love to fck.
They wouldn't waste their life lying to some poor sod, they would rather have no man than this pitiful situation.
This is the work of a desperate person.
a single mother's job is to protect her kid's hearts.
kids shouldn't get close to a man until you are 1000% sure he is the one (even then things can go wrong, but thats life).
that's why you take it slow, not jump into moving in with someone after a year when you are only luke warm about them.
Answer this question:
Imagine you meet a man, who you adore.
He has kids.
You love them and parent them like your own.
He doesn't seem that into you.
He lies and tells you he is.
Your self-esteem starts to take a nose dive.
Intimacy becomes a rare occasion and you start to feel unattractive.
He insists over the years he is into you, which confuses you.
The kids grow up, start their own lives and he dumps you.
Turns out you were right and he was faking it all along.
He tells you he loves you, but more in a sibling way.
You're now 50, starting life over again....
He deserves real, authentic love, to be with someone who can't get enough of him, we all deserve that, don't cheat him of that.
Just fake it till they're older = are you a sociopath lol?
You know he is a real live person with his own feelings, not an object/prop in your life to make your kids happy?
If you aren't in love with him, it's cruel to continue. I have a question though. You linked your potential love for him to your want for physical intimacy.
Do you not want physical intimacy because you don't love him? If so, leave.
Or
Is it possible that your libido has lowered and that is why you don't want intimacy and it's confusing you about your feelings? If so, maybe start by going to your doctor?
Can't we just normalise dating, not clicking/feeling it with someone, telling them and moving on, as opposed to moving in with them and seeking medical assistance in 2 years' time in an attempt to fall in love with them.