I gave up on asking my son's dad every 2nd week to see his son back in July. He ignores my txts doesn't give me an idea when he's free. So I said fine see him around his bday and at Christmas well his bday went by and a week later our son ended up in hospital getting his appendix removed, dad didn't even show up for that. Wouldn't leave work or come by after work.
Christmas is next week and still ignoring me, I even sent his partner I message to say hey, could so and so please get back to me. He read the texts and nothing. I also told child support our son has been in my care for a year, Dad just ignores me. Well now his payments are on hold and I think this had made him mad not that I care really.
This is ridiculous. I hate contacting him, this has been going on for over four years and now have two kids with the new partner who don't even know who their brother is.
What am I to do? Our son is nagging me, even saying all he wants for Christmas is Dad.
Our son is now 11. So he knows his dad isn't around and wanting to see him.
5 Replies
Ensure your son knows you are making an effort. Even allow your son to message him and see that his dad does not reply. It's time to stop protecting these deadbeats! Because I'm telling you, my eldest ended up blaming me and her stinking rotten father has gotten away with it by saying its my fault and I didn't encourage contact.
I gave my younger ones phones so their dad could contact them directly and vice versa.. guess who does not bother. I know longer have to message that dropkick and he still tries to make out I'm to blame. At least now it does not work and my younger teens do not want much to do with him.
You do not have to rant about him or anything, just let him show his own ugliness. Then build your child up and make sure he has other positive male role models in his life
stop contacting him, don't bother, you've done all you can
when you accept who he is, you will be much happier.
get your son to a psychologist or counselling, if you feel it necessary.
try to minimise convos about him, try to slowly fade his presence out of your life.
when you stop caring and chasing him, i bet your son starts to forget about him too.
At some point you have to realise he doesn't want to be present and you can't force it unfortunately, you just have to know you tried and stop trying, it's less anxiety on you when you stop. He has to pay 100% support to you and that's all you'll be able to get from him. I had the same kind of sperm donor for my daughter, I gave up trying and it was alot less stressful for me and my daughter.
It is not your job to facilitate a relationship for an adult. It is sad for your son but you need to stop giving your energy to this man. Straight up tell your son that his Dad has made a choice and at this stage you have not heard from him but reinforce all the people he has in his life who are there for him and love him.
It is sad but it's also being honest with your son in an age appropriate way. I've berm through this and my son gives it no thought, I've never spoken bad of him, just reinforced the good, living people we do have.
Do not run his father down. Let you son make contact as others have said. Don't lower yourself to the fathers level. You son will work it out. My kids did. They are now 22 and 23. Both have agyan reached out and low and behold he is still narcissistic and cruel to my kids. I'm very proud that grey both put the past behind them. I'm sad their father misses out on his kids and grandkids. Best of luck mumma