Please help me to approach this. I have discovered heaps of stolen items in my 16 year olds bedroom. Makeup, clothes and more. She has been sleeping over at friends places and it would appear they have been shop lifting. She is very stubborn. I think if I go at her guns blazing she might do something like run away from home. How should I approach her? Thanks so much
7 Replies
Make her return them to the store as accidentally put in a pocket while she was looking at other things
You’ll get a lot of responses telling you to take her back to the store.
I work in a fashion retail store that has high theft items and I have had a few well meaning parents bring their teens in to return their stolen loot. I hate this!
Firstly, it’s awkward and I don’t really want to be involved in your parenting. At best, I’ll take the stock and expect you to leave. It’s probably not going to be the life lesson you’d hope for!
Secondly, that stock has most likely already been written off. So bringing it back really doesn’t do us any good, it creates more work in many cases.
Donate any clothes in good enough condition to charity and throw the make up away. That’s all that will happen if you return it anyway!
Now, I’ll be real with you. I went through a phase of shoplifting when I was a teenager. Not having my needs met was a big contributing factor. I had a financially irresponsible single mum so it started as stealing personal care items I needed, as I realised how easy it was I became more bold and entitled. This was not a good period in time for my mental health either so that dopamine hit from all my new shit was a bit of a relief from all that. Eventually, I started to see my friends face the legal consequences of this, I started seeing the social consequences (no one trusts a thief so I definitely lost a few good friends along the way) and I also started making my own money and seeing things from the other side of the fence.
So my advice. Talk to her, get to the bottom of the why behind it. Be real about the consequences and get her into the workforce!
I agree with this. I went through the same phase. Everyone else was doing it, and I had a mother who was disengaged & selfish, never paying attention or buying anything I wanted, so I felt good having things.
I stopped when a friend was caught by her mother & she tried to shift blame to me saying I had 'a drawer full of stuff'. I learned a hard lesson on how 'friends' will throw you under the bus to protect themselves & how humiliating getting caught would be. Thankfully my parents didn't want to deal with it & her mother made her return items to the store and apologise. But I never did it again!
I'm ok with having someone do a different task to what was planned during their paid, scheduled work hours if it teaches my child accountability. Better than raising someone without insight or morals.
By all means, if you think your kid would gain something by going back to the store, then do so!
Just don’t put the onus on the retail worker to teach your kid some kind of life lesson because it really isn’t their job!
All the shop assistant needs to do is take it back. Not lecture or teach morals.
it's about the embarrassment of going back to the store, sorry it is inconvenient from your end, but it is an important life lesson for the child.