hi lovely ladies
Am I being too picky?
I am a mother of 2 youngs kids 2&6. Hubby is away majority of the time so I have been dealing with everything myself and raising the children mostly by myself until mid last yr as he was only home 6 days in a month.
I feel I am quite strict with my kids as this is how I make it work for us and me. Strict bedtime regimes, what they can and can't eat, toys to be cleaned up after play, no toys in bedrooms, must eat at the table and not walk around the house especially the rooms.
My problem is. Most of my friends are very relaxed parenting. Which is no problem every one does things there own way. I accept that.
But when my friends visit with their kids they destroy my house, food everywhere, hand prints on walls, spread everything everywhere, scream constantly, hit and bite own mother when asked to do something, most ignore them when they are playing even though the day your house is always clean I wish mine was like that with the kids, but yet doesn't control them and then they leave. I am then the one to clean up after them.
When I go to friends/parents house I make my kids clean up before they leave. RESPECT OTHERS THINGS/houses.
This makes me not want to invite them over but they are my closest friends. I try and basically go to there's all the time lately. I have get very lost at the moment and need friends to talk to but I can't bring myself to invite them over as it will end with more stress than what it was worth.
Am I being too picky?
Should I suck it up or somehow find friends that respect others things.
Thanks in advance.
5 Replies
Suck it up or start meeting in neutral locations like a kids cafe.
I'm somewhat the same as you and run a relatively tight ship. Don't get me wrong we have toy mess but we sit down to eat etc and I clean up after my child before we leave somewhere. So I understand your frustration. There are some house rules I enforce with visitors like no standing or jumping on the sofa and I will prompt my friends children to sit down or get off if I see them standing on it. My friends picked up on this rule and now enforce it at my place.
it seems to me you have really high stress and anxiety about this, which would lead me to think it's not so much that all of your friends are awful, but more you have an issue. Especially because you're suffering other problems and still can't call on your friends. That's a real issue. I honestly think you need to call on your friends and use their support and friendship to sort through your problems. I have a feeling this surface issue with cleaning is just a cover, it's a scapegoat, an outlet for your anger, a distraction, but it's not the real issue.
A spotless housw is out of reach to me, even though I might comment wow its so clean, I couldn't do it because children live, love, run and play in mine and I honestly wouldn't and couldnt have it any other way. And I would clean up after kids at someone else's house, but no I wouldn't be deep cleaning to perfection, if that's your standard you do that.
you say it's fine to parent different but However go on to say how negative their parent style is and how awful and rude the kids are and selfish the parents are. But I also read that those parents are relaxed and happy whereas you are the one suffering.
If they're real friends of yours, look at all the other positive things they bring and find a way to reach out and meet them without picking at them, it sounds like you really need them right now.
Omg I could of written this myself, all I tend to do now though is try and keep kids outside or if all else fails we go to there place in which its outside cause she doesn't want me to see her either non swept floors or because she has just cleaned
Well done on raising your kids with respect; for you for their space, for the rules and ultimately for themselves. I would encourage you to meet your friends in a place that doesn't leave you with work and your kids with a bad example, and also to seek friends who show a little more respect themselves..
Well done on raising your kids with respect; for you for their space, for the rules and ultimately for themselves. I would encourage you to meet your friends in a place that doesn't leave you with work and your kids with a bad example, and also to seek friends who show a little more respect themselves..