Okay so after I had my son I was diagnosed with post natal depression I went to counselling for over 12 months for 2 days a week after he was born then I had the sessions spaced out to once a week then once a month. I also had a health nurse come to my house to help me once a week then to fortnightly and monthly over the first 12 months of my sons life. They said with the way my labour turned out that it was normal to have depression and not be okay. (I had a very rough delivery was induced as labour wasn't progressing bub was back to back eyebrows first was 2 cms for 26 hrs before c section, epidural failed felt them cutting and was knocked out woke up 4-5 hrs after he was born and woke up in an empty surgical recovery area and had to call out to find someone. Then day 2 sat upright and stitches split and had internal bleeding by day 5 it formed into a hematoma became septic and was cleaned out and was in hospital for 2 more weeks unable to breastfeed due to antibiotics, painkillers and blood infection.)
I found it very hard to cope as I thought I wasn't bonding and he also had colic and my recovery was longer then I thought it would be. My partner had already had 5 weeks off work unpaid as he was a contractor and he desperately needed to go back to work as we were very broke. Especially with being transferred to a different hospital that was very far away from home.
So it's been 2+ years now my son was born October 2012 and I am still going to a councillor it's good to vent once a month but she's not so great with giving advise, she's quiet reserved but a good listener and for me it helps. My doctor advised me to stop taking anti depressants 8 mths ago as I had terrible side effects on majority of different types of anti depressants and I didn't see much change at all when I was on them other then being so tired all the time even if I took them at night.
But the only thing now is my partner and friends have come to me and told me that they feel like I'm two different people sometimes and will be happy then change within a second and can be agitated or angry for no reason. This has come out of the blue as I never realised I've done it but I have always known that I'm not kinda normal mentally but put it down to a rough childhood.
It was mentioned by my previous councillor that I have some traits of Bipolar so after hearing concerns from my family and friends about my moods I went onto black dog and did like a test to see if what they are saying could be Bipolar (my partner helped me with the questions as I thought he being a third person could help me answer them better) and it came back that it's possible to have Bipolar. I have spoken to my current councillor about it and she has directed me to my gp, who then directed me back to the councillor but they cant diagnose me with a mental illness only help me cope with a diagnosis I have been given and referred to them with.
Has anyone gone through this ?
I'm feeling lost but also kinda embarrassed that everyone sees it and I had no idea I had been doing it and also the fact that they find it hard to deal with me.
If you do have it Does it effect you being a mother I find myself distancing from my son and get very agitated by him sometimes but just but it down to him being a 2 year old and me not being very motherly motherly as I would prefer to be studying or working then being a stay at home mum but only because I feel like I haven't got an actual career and feel I need it personally for my own success as I never finished high school.
Where do I start to get help is there someone specific like a specialist that I need to see ??
I have google it a lot and it only tells you the symptoms, how to treat it and not anything about where to go to get diagnosed except your go but when I did that I was just told to talk about it with my councillor who can't physically do anything..
I just want to crawl up into a ball and cry no one ever noticed it before and now bam everyone does and it was like an intervention on how they don't want to be around me when I'm like this :,(
4 Replies
Go see a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist hun. I can't help with anything else but once you get a diagnosis and the proper treatment options then you can live a "normal" life. You have done so well by reaching out.
Get your arse back to the GP and demand a referral to a psychiatrist. Don't panic either way, you are who you are and yeah it's not uncommon to be diagnosed after having kids. You'll be fine, your psychiatrist will be well equipped to take you through the process.
I can absolutely relate! I had a terrible premature birth with twins, all 3 of us ended up in intensive care and my twins were on life support. I was so sick it was 4 days before I was well enough to meet them. We were in hospital for 8 weeks and the twos. Have had ongoing issues and both needing surgeries. I was diagnosed as suffering post natel depression, OCD, severe anxiety and post traumatic stress. My psychologist said I have really improved with her help. I agree. I haven't seen her in a while after intensive therapy and I often feel like you. I think I just can't handle stress anymore. As soon as things start to pile up or I feel overwhelmed my brain can't cope. I don't have any advice really just wanted to make sure you feel you weren't alone with how you feel. I would have thought your psychologist would have been able to help diagnose you. Who originally diagnosed you with post natel depression? My twins are now 4 and I don't think I'll have anymore children I don't feel stronge enough within myself and I'm too worried it will make me sicker as it will trigger so many emotions. Best wishes with your healing, it sounds as it you are very aware which Is great. Maybe you and your partner could trynpinpoint when your mood starts to change and see if there is a pattern and maybe try some techniques to help. Such as if he feels your mood changes in the evening which is a busy time maybe you could try organise dinner in the morning and put it in the slow cooker than less stress on you in the evenings. Just as an example xxx
For a diagnosis you will need to see a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist. Your GP may be able to refer you to free mental health services.
There is no need to be embarrassed if it does turn out that you are diagnosed with bipolar. Mental illness is not something to be ashamed of. I wish more people would open up about mental illness, conversation really helps to reduce the stigma. 1 in 4 adults have a mental illness. Next time you are at the supermarket, look around you, at people living their lives, functioning, being productive, know that 1 in 4 of those people have a mental illness. Know that mental illness can be managed.