Career and kids advice post from February, 2015: (Reposting because my reply was never posted to Facebook, where I feel some women REALLY need to hear some of what I have said below. Please post. Thank you):
Wow. I'm the IM who has been having a hard time and posted advice for career minded women who were on the fence when it comes to having kids. It's a shame this page is named the Imperfect Mum because it appears it is followed by a large majority of judgmental, perfect women!!!
After reading through many of the responses I literally wanted to kill myself so yeah, thanks for the push over the edge. Fortunately, i instead returned to read a couple more posts and found a couple non-judgmental people - ONE of who recognised that perhaps there was a myriad of issues, including depression involved. One out of, at the time I first saw the post , about 50.
Thank you to those non-judgmental women who didn't immediately jump to conclusions and instead showed compassion and common sense. Your thoughtfulness literally saved my life that day. As for the perfect women saying how selfish and hope your kids don't know. Of course they don't and they never will. I may be struggling but I'm certainly not stupid or uncaring!!!! My kids would never even have an inkling as I do my best every day to ensure it. And yes I did word the title wrong , it should have been "due to the decision/agreement" to have kid, not thanks to kids.
Again to all the judgmental perfect women out there - no I didn't give context for the post for various reasons, including the health of the kids/family and other factors as really it was just advice. Plenty of us, unfortunately, have been or have to go through severe illnesses or diseases - point is I knew I'd be crucified whether I gave context or not by the ones who didn't know where I was coming from. The few who said they understood is interesting - they are few and far between! This was aimed at them. If you differ in opinion or don't understand why even type "scrolling on" just don't type anything. And please for the love of God stop ASSUMING. whether you have details or not some of you really need to think before you speak. I feel sorry for any friends of yours who may be feeling similar to me. Even posting in an anonymous forum gets you crucified so they'll certainlh know who not to discuss their concerns with if/when they see your names in the comments. Sorry for rambling I haven't had much sleep in a long time! My point is I was seriously tipped over the edge thanks to most of your lack of thoughtfulness, compassion, common sense in an advice and support forum which was/is obviously badly needed (and appreciated). Thank you again to the, sadly, few who were nice to me, even if you didn't agree. I got to be here with my kids instead of no longer on this earth thanks to you lovely ladies. This time I am crying because I am grateful to you few, instead of bawling as I read through all the nasty comments. Thank you.
3 Replies
I have had the same issue on here. Not the responses you want but just take from the more positive ones what you need. I myself am a mum of 2, attending uni full time and currently going through a separation so yeah....things are tough! Best of luck x
Sadly it's been a common occurrence lately and about all kinds of topics. I asked a simple questions about the pros and cons of buying bunk beds for my daughter and stepson and received all kinds of negative opinions about gender sharing legalities (which aren't true btw) and snarky remarks. But I just sift through and found the good suggestions and advice (make sure bunks can be separated, doesn't have noisy springs, go for strong timber instead of metal, get a lightweight mattress to make linen changing easier and good luck getting them to clean their room *lol - all helpful things I hadn't thought about, thank you!).
I think we all have to have a bit of a filter when we get responses from any forum and take note of the ones that are genuinely helpful. Anyone that comes across as loudly judgmental or goes WAY off the deep end sprouting nonsense I just figure is speaking more about their own issues and I don't take it personally. We are not all experts in all things and even when we've shared similar experiences our reactions and circumstances means we are not always going to agree or really understand. And that's ok! I think the golden rule of "if you can't say something nice/helpful.." then don't post really applies.
Having kids is never all sunshine & roses. There are some days I think why did I have children again? Don't get me wrong, I love my children & knew I always wanted to have children but it can be hard...some days very, very hard! I've been lucky that I am able to work part-time. I tell everyone that I go to work for a break. :) Having children is not for everyone & I don't think women should be made to feel bad for deciding that children aren't for them.