My grandmother whom my children (4y & 5y) were very close to passed away suddenly but peacefully. I would like them to attend the funeral (cremation) for closure and out of respect. They want to attend. Friends have expressed surprise and disapproval at my decision. Looking for thoughts of other mothers.
10 Replies
My personal belief is that it is important for all loved ones to have closure. My daughter has attended funerals of loved ones from a young age and coped well. Funeral homes often have a pamphlet that gives out information on helping to explain the process to young children. Death is a part of life and whilst it is painful and difficult it also demonstrates to our children that we can send off our loved ones and remember them in a positive manner.
I think you as a Mumma know your children the best. You clearly don't seem like the kind of person to put them into a situation that would have a negative affect on them! Trust your heart Mumma :-)
My niece passed away at 3 months and I didn't take my kids (than aged 4,5,6) but it was a babies funeral and it's hard to explain to them why life is cut so short when I don't even understand it :-(
But the elderly is different, we age and pass away, it's the natural order of things and something kids will see more of xx
I think it's good for them to go and have closure. I would take my kids.
I dont think there is any problem with allowing your children to attend a funeral and if they want to go they should be welcomed as well. It is really important for children to understand all facets of life and they also deserve to get closure for people they are close to as well.
If they want to go and you want them to go, your friends should respect that. My children were 1 and 3 at my nans funeral and were fine. There were also many of my cousins children there too around the same age group.
My niece also attended my mothers funeral (her nan obviously) and was only 2 at the time.
I agree with you it most definitely helps closure and is a great mark of respect x
If they were close of course they should go, my 4yr old dd and my 6mth old ds went to my grandmothers funeral because they where close to her, we also took both of them in to see her everyday towards the end and if they want to attend I would take them
My partners grandfather( dad) passed early this year. I have two children one was 16months and the other 5/6 week old at the time. The family said I could bring both of them, as my little girl is very active, we had her looked after as she would not understand what was happening. but if I had them at the ages your little ones were I would of taken them. There were a lot of family members with there kids at this one the ages were from 4 weeks old to 16. I would never make the kids come if they didn't want to. but at that age the do have some understanding of what has happened.. sorry for loss...
When my mum passed my daughter was 2 and son 5 we didn't take them yo the funeral, only because I didn't think I could cope, but we did take them to the crematorium for a private viewing, it gave the children an opportunity to see that nannies spirit - what made her alive was no longer there and had gone "to heaven" (or whatever you choose to teach your children), a couple of years later my FIL passed away (daughter was 5, son was 7) we did the same for them then, it gave them the opportunity to react in private in any way they felt, with my mum it was clear they didn't understand what was happening, but with FIL they both understood that he was gone and not coming back... It's good for them to have closure... Well it's important, it's how they will process and hopefully understand that they're loved one won't be coming back and it is important that they have the opportunity to say goodbye.... Hope this helps, do what you feel us right for your little ones...
As a child (primary school) my uncle passed away I was not allowed to attend the funeral and I resented my parents for a long time over that as we were close. They had the belief that kids don't belong at funerals....... Fast forward a few decades, my mother passed away when our kids were 12 & 5. The 5yr olds didn't really understand but our 12yr old did, But it gave them the chance to say goodbye, and we will visit on her birthday or mothers day to leave her flowers (we believe in celebrating/remembering her on happy days not the day she left) they released some balloons with messages for her last mothers day and it has helped them greive. Bear in mind kids process things differently to adults, it make take weeks or months before they pop out some questions, but let them.
When my father died my children were 7 and 3. They both attended the funeral. I had someone who sat with my children and took care of them in case they needed to leave the church. It went well and I don't think I would have done it differently.