I am curious to know, how other mums cope with their frustration.
I have two babies, a girl and boy, son is 21 months and daughter 8 months
My son's behaviour has become ridiculous really, he has started hitting me and his sister (but not daddy) throwing toys, tantrums where he throws his arms up and then down to smack the ground, he took his nappy off and tipped the poop out of it yesterday... didn't play with it thank god, but still... (any toilet training tips would be amazing!)
He squeals, all the time, for no reason, and tantrums, all the time. he has also decided recently, he wont eat anything, unless it comes from a pouch, or meat or potato (chips, wedges, gems ect)...
My daughter is at that clingy stage, and i can't stand it! i adore her cuddles and loving, but i can't do it all the time, and when i put her down, she screams, TV, Toys, walker, swing, distract her, but as soon as she see's me walk away she loses it...
When he hits, and tantrums and what not, i get sooo cranky, and i hate myself for it, but the squealing from him, the screaming from her, the behaviour is driving me up the wall!!!
My question is, how do you not lose your mind, how do you not yell, get mad, want to smack... i am at a loss as to how to deal with my sons behaviour, and how to cope with this clingy mess!!
I love my babies to the ends of the earth, but i am starting to lose my mind!! Daddy has started a new job, about 2 months ago also, most days he is gone before they wake, and home after they go to bed, and some weeks he is away for days...
Sorry for the novel, please no judgement or nasty comments, im stressing enough as it is!!
5 Replies
Ok breath. The trick for me is to make sure Im not with my kid ALL the time. Its just not natural for me and it leaves me totally zapped of energy and feeling like Im perpetually in ground hog day. So my advice get some day care once a week, a family member to look after them, what ever it is and go and do something that is totally for you in that time. Its necessary for me and my kids because I come back relaxed revitalised and its usually given me some space just to gain some perspective. Unfortunately you have two babies who are in a very difficult phases! Then each day make it your mantra that getting mad, yelling and smacking solves nothing and that a cool calm collected Mummy makes the day go smoother. Doesn't mean you don't walk outside and scream to the moon later but in the moment you don't (because all you do is have 3 crying, screaming people in your house). Honestly in your position I would not attempt toilet training at this time. Go and buy some all in one swim suits with a zip up the back so your son can't get his nappy off until you take it off. You have too much going on and not enough to support to even go there. If you have questions about wether your sons behaviour is more than terrible twos ask your GP for a referral to a developmental pediatrician or similar. They are best placed to tell you wether this is terrible twos or something else. Even if its the terrible twos a behavioural psych can help support you through some of these issues and getting some support is crucial when your feeling this way. Don't let people say this is what parenting is like, sure it can be that way if you let it be but it doesn't HAVE to be so why not change it.
i think the hardest part is the fact that i do all this by myself, and i have aspergers myself... certainly makes those long drawn out days harder, i don't smack, i have a few times, my son, not my daughter... walked away for ten minutes, sat where he couldnt see or hear me, and bawled my eyes out... then went and cuddled him for ages... he's too young for any diagnosis, but his behaviour and intellect is very consistent with that of aspergers/high functioning autism... that makes it harder again, because although i know its unavoidable, and no ones fault, i blame myself and i feel guilty i guess... all that mummy guilt, its a killer....
Don't feel guilty, I'm the person who responded and I'm also on the spectrum and my child (not so young anymore) has ASD amongst a bunch of other complex needs. I'm also a sole parent. But yeah I force myself to take parenting breaks. I have to, absolutely have to. It was really hard at first to take that first step but in the long run I realised that we were all better off for it! Keep pushing for that diagnosis kids are being diagnosed as young as 18mths now (especially if there is a family history). There is a much improved amount of support out there now (help which I really wished I had when I was a kid).
That feeling of frustration and wanting to hit is so familiar. I think about my own childhood and how I hated being hit and yelled at. I think about everything my parents did that I swore I'd never do. I think about how sweet and innocent she is and that she doesnt know her behaviours are incredibly frustrating. I tell her I can't understand her when screaming crying etc and she can find me when she has calmed down and speaks properly. I get her involved in her own little projects so I can do chores etc. When I get really annoyed I either put her in a safe room like her room or play area and close the door for a few minutes. Or i remove myself from the situation for a couple of minutes to calm down - to my bedroom or bathroom. Nothing shocks my daughter into calming down more than me walking away. Most important thing is to breathe, and have a reset in your mind several times a day. Try not to hold onto the frustration from before nap time or even an hour ago. Take time to breathe... and start fresh... no resentments or grudges. =)
Firstly, hang in there, it gets easier. I've been there too.
1. Get help in any form you can, from sticker activity books to sending a load of laundry to the the local laundromat to be picked up cleaned and folded. Get a relative/babysitter -You need a break, your kids will look instantly more enticing afterwards.
2. Breathe. Is this fight important to win? Use a calm voice or feign disinterest in another bloody tantrum (or if all else fails, lock yourself in the toilet/car for 5 min).
3. This episode will pass. This screaming child will stop (eventually) and the clinginess will ease in a few more minutes. I find (calmly as possible) removing the screamkng/whinging child to another room with instructions to return when it ceases helps reduce the immediate irritation.
Lastly, try and be calm and constant (even when it seems impossible). Your children won't be scarred or remember 'angry mum', I don't, and my mum must have had these moments.