This potty training caper is a bloody nightmare. I need some advice stat! If you had asked me a week ago how it was all going, I would have told you 'great! 90% done!' Now? Different story. We started training with our daughter about 9 weeks ago at 2years9months. We used a sticker chart and an incentive bag of goodies (called the 'magic bag', full of crap from the dollar store which she got to lucky-dip into when she did a poo). All has been going really well despite one or two accident here or there, nothing major, and an aversion to public toilets ('they flush too LOUD, MUMMY!'). She is also not too keen on poos in the potty in general, and I think sometimes waits until nap time when she's in a pull up. Anyway, then every day for the last seven, she has done a wee/poo/both in her underwear - sometimes altering us during or just after, or sometimes not at all (and I find a trail or get a twitch in the nose fairly soon after). I put it down to absent-mindedness for a few days, but I have begun to suspect that this may be deliberate or a form of defiance, as we regularly offer to take her to the potty, and some of the times she has had these accidents have been, say, 10 minutes after an offer, when she has said 'I'm just going to get Barbie', and come back 30 seconds later with a poo in her pants. We have had calm, gentle conversations with her to try to find out why she won't tell us she needs to go potty, she will only say 'because.' I am persisting in putting her in underwear and keeping my frustration under wraps, but I am now at that WTF? point and I need some strategies going forward. She is a great kid, well behaved, the only discipline we use (sparingly) is the 'naughty mat' and I don't know if a form of discipline for this behaviour is appropriate or something I would even want to do. Do I say 'start going back to the potty or I'll take away your cabbage patch?' Incentives don't work, encouragement not working, iPad on the potty not even interested. HELP.
8 Replies
I would take some toys, not when she has an accident but so that when she has the opportunity to play with them she hasn't has them for ages so feels like a true reinforcer. For something to work they can only have access to it for that behaviour. So if she gets to play with iPad at other times of the day, why would you bother going to the toilet for it :)
Maybe say "come sit on the potty and do a wee for mummy and see if you can do a poo and then if you try really hard you can have a lucky dip" I trained my 2 year old twin girls in jan one twin 'got it' immediately the other is still learning, it's so very different for every child. For me the biggest lesson I have learnt it that you do t just train them and it's done, it actually takes months and months. I thought it would be much quicker but I'm following their lead. They know now before we go in the car they need to try to do a wee because there isn't always a toilet available. You will get there and they can go a bit backwards after the first few weeks because it's easier to wear a nappy they don't have to think about going to the potty/toilet. Another big thing for us was peppa pig underwear! They get very excited to wear it and only big girls who use the potty/toilet can wear peppa pig knickers! My girls were also very prem and have a language delay and were not talking when we started! But just persistence is the key! You will have good days and bad days but you will get there, lots of praise :)
Many kids regress. Why not back the pressure off now, go back to nappies and see if she just needs some "time-off".
What ever you do don't go back to nappies, you will just have to start all over again. If she has an accident make her clean it up herself, wees make her take her pants off and out them in a bucket or which ever, poos make her take them off put what u can in the toilet and then in a bucket. My son wouldn't do poos in the toilet all the time and sometimes in his pants I started making him clean up his own mess, I also bought a Lego thing he was wanting for ages told him if he did poos in the toilet for the whole week he could get it. It's been a month now and no accidents.
It sounds like she's not ready. I think you should back off the pressure a bit and just leave her in pullups for now. Keep the encouragement up and don't make a big deal if she has an accident. She will eventually come to it of her own accord.
Once they can walk and talk they can use the toilet I'm sorry but not ready is the parents excuse to opt out of the arguments
I got to this point with my little man everything was fine he was so I thought toilet trained and then his mind set came in long story short after the same arguments with yourself that you are going through I lost my shit waited for the accident or so we call it..sat him on the toilet 45mins later of a tanti and not being allowed off the toilet he did a poo said sorry and off he went never to have an accident again probs wasn't the best way to handle it in hind sight but once he realized mummy means what she says we haven't had many issues sometimes we just need to lose our shit
My daughter did this. It was suggested to me to have her wash her undies herself just after the accident (pee one, not poo), explaining to her why it's yucky, it took up her time away from play, which she did not like one bit, didn't have a seemingly "intentional" accident again after that.