Hi ladies,
I'm not sure where to even begin..... I'm currently pregnant with twins, my partner and I have a nearly 4 year old together, I have a 16 yr old (not with me) and he has a 20 yr old (not with him). I left my partner 12 months ago due to really bad communication, my depression (postnatal), some drug & alcohol issues and he was also at times verbally & emotionally abusive.
We continued all year to see each other on weekends, with things improving slightly, then early this year he resigned from his job (with no discussion with me) and I let him move into my house. Now I'm 3.5 months pregnant with twins.
He still doesn't have work so we're struggling financially and he still refuses to communicate with me. Even deciding how to spend our last $50 is left to me, then when we run out of food it will be my fault. I realise our relationship is bad, actually, probably over, but being pregnant with twins I just don't know what to do about it.
I was seriously depressed after having my son, and am scared I'll become very depressed again - the thought of twins on my own is absolutely terrifying, but the thought of his negative, unhelpful and unhealthy attitudes are just as terrifying.
I keep all this to myself, I don't want to admit to my family how bad things are - they'll all be right when they say I told you so. And without relying on them for the next few years, how can I possibly think of doing this alone?
Sometimes he's a wonderful Dad and partner (not often enough) but if in one of his 'moods' he can be what I feel is verbally abusive to my son, and still very emotionally abusive to me.
I just don't know how I can possibly imagine going it alone with baby twins and a 3 yr old. Any advice would be greatfully appreciated.
6 Replies
There are sooooo many services out there who will be able to help you! I know it sounds daunting, but staying with him sounds even worse to me! Perhaps sit yourself down with pen & paper and write a pros & con list for both options. Having it all there in front of you will help you make a decision. I also advise speaking to your gp, get a referral to speak to someone who can help you work through this :)
You can do it xxx
You may find without him in the picture your depression won't be so bad he really sounds like he could be whats bringing you down and yeah seeing a counciler will help heaps
Agree, trying to cope while dealing with that extra emotional abuse and stress will make ut 1000 times harder
Honey I'm sorry for what you're going through, especially at this time when you should be happily enjoying your pregnancy.
I would hope that your family could put aside their "told you so's" to help you in a really serious situation.
I also agree with the first post that there are a huge amount of services available to help you with things like housing, food, bills and even care to help with twins. Try and get in touch with barnados and if they can't personally help, they can point you in the right direction. Otherwise your community health service will also know of services you would be eligible for.
Sending my best wishes your way xx
In response to the "leave or stay"- I would say, what would you tell your best friend to do, if that was her story? It may enlighten you as to what you really think you should do.
Thankyou all, I think I knew these answers, just having others say it helps clear my mind.