Hi ladies,
I'm desperately curious to know if anyone's mother in law has taken them to court over time with grandchildren and been successful or what happened.
Back story: MIL is an egocentric narcissist and the most unpleasant person be near. Despite that we included her in celebrating family occasions for 5 years. She decided she wanted to see the children without having to see us because she believes she has as much right to them as a parent.
When the mediation letter came we didn't hear from her for 10 months - BLISS!!!! Mediation was absolutely horrible and despite agreeing to monthly supervised visits she continued to threaten further legal action (letters from legal aid), abuse us through texts, and manipulate our son. We abandoned the agreement - BLISS!!!!
No contact til the court summons around 7 months later. She got free legal advice before and afterwards and free representation in the courtroom, plus no fees to lodge the application because she is a pensioner. We, on the other hand, had to take off work (loss of wages), pay for legal advice, couldn't afford the $4k legal representation, and $320 just to lodge our response. Lovely.
We asked for a family report to be written because MIL's affidavit was so far from the truth it sounded like she was a nice old granny and we cut contact for no reason (legal aid wrote it for her). We just had the report done and it's 100% in our favour. The report writer saw straight through MIL and described her as "egocentric" and "focused on her rights". MIL also said absolutely disgusting things about me and my husband, her son, which is great for us because it shows her true colours and the low blows show desperation.
Now we wait to see the judge again. I have no idea what will happen. The amount of far-fetched advice online is crazy, so I thought I would ask for actual experience instead of what people think should happen.
Thank you!!
15 Replies
Good luck, I have no experience with this at all so am not going to offer my opinion other than I hope that it goes your way.
Thanks for your support! I'll update after our next court date for others that may be in this situation.
She wont get much time with the children, she will probablt only get what was agreed in mediation.. grandparents do have rights now to children they say its important for the childs development ( totally disagree, my exs mother still gives my 4 yr old a bottle at night -.-)... the courts wont order everyweekend or every fortnight it should be one weekend a month if she's lucky.
Does your MIL have one weekend a month with your children?
I totally agree that children have the right to have contact with their grandparents, as long as the relationship is beneficial.
Mediation agreement was 2 hours supervised, but we have proof that it was detrimental to our family, the family reporter has discouraged contact with her, and also observed the children did not want to be near her. I know that if the judge gives mil time supervised by a third party she will be pushing it further because she thinks she should have them by herself. Then we will be dragged through court again which is emotionally and financially stressful.
How long was your court process from start to finish?
I am very surprised she has gotten this far especially on legal aid. My ex-husband abused one of my children and my ex mother in law took me to mediation over it. It was decided that it was not suitable or safe for the children to have contact with her.
Was that decided in mediation and she did not pursue it further? What factors determined "not suitable or safe"? Sorry for the questions, I'm just struggling to find anyone else that's been through this. People keep telling me, "She won't get far" without ever having been through it themselves. I know she SHOULDN'T but the reality is that she HAS got so far all for free with plenty of help despite her disgusting demeanour.
My ex mil did it all through legal aid. We even had numerous court visits before she finally pulled out
I don't have any advice as I've not been in this terrible situation, but just wanted to say goodluck & I really hope it all goes in your favour. She does not sound like the kind of lady I'd want around my children AT ALL... Please do keep us updated & best of luck x
Thank you so much for your support x
My MIL sounds like yours. Hubby has cut contact with her and he is VERY stern with her. She wouldn't dream of doing something like this because she knows he'll come down on her like a tonne of bricks. She was a terrible mother to him and his sister. Also a narcassist. No thought for anyone but herself - ever. She taught my toddler to give me the finger for a laugh. Took my kids to the bakery one day and my daughter told me she did a burn out and sped really, really fast with the music loud. She'll take meds (god knows what) and be almost delusional and still want to babysit (we've never let her). She's an alcoholic... hangs around bikies and drug dealers. She never, ever grew up and finally my husband had enough of her. Told her she was not welcome anymore as all she brings is drama and she is completely irresponsible. He pretty much let it all out to her and told her that she's made her bed and now she has to lie in it. As she does 'love' our kids... but I'm sorry, her feelings are not enough, to disregard everything else. Has your husband really, truly had it out with her? Told her why he feels the way he does and explained exactly why she is not allowed near them? I'm assuming there's good reason? Not just that she's a narc? We'll let her talk to them on the phone. But honestly, they're older now... they see her for who she is. Your kids will eventually, too. Sorry, though, no advice on the law side of things. I hope she doesn't gain any rights to see them if she's a danger to them (either physically OR emotionally/psychologically).
Thanks for your comment! Your mil sounds very difficult. Hubby has had it out with his mother many times but her narcissism makes it impossible to see things clearly and she thinks anyone that objects to her abuse is in the wrong. She is emotionally damaging and constantly picks fights in front of the kids. She is extremely manipulative to the kids as well "nanna is soooooo lonely! No one looks after me when I'm sick" etc, because she has no family left to tolerate her. I'm happy for them to speak to her on the phone when they are much older too, but I'm hoping she just goes away forever if you knoe what I mean.
Hi, my mum took me through court trying to gain full custody of my son then later changed to visitation rights when a judge told her he would not remove a child from their parents care without a significant reason. My son was appointed a ICL ( independant childrens lawyer), ICL's work on behalf of the child andwhat is in the childs best intrrests. It took a long time (2 yrs all up) but in the end the judge awarded me residential orders and my mum visitations as agreed up on by both parties, meaning there were no set dates or times for visits, we just had to arrange for her go have contact with my son as a normal grandparent would.
I'm so glad to hear common sense prevailed! Sorry you went through that :(
My ex mil took us to court for my eldest. I refused mediation. She was/is a badty piece if work. Tried to put an Avo in me because I told her to grow up and stop carrying in like a toddler. She wanted every other weekend, Christmas, Easter birthdays etc. She was given 1 hour a fortnight supervised by her son. It was supposed to lead up to more time but she pulled out. My ex and I are no longer together and its now up to him to organise. But this worried, poor hard done by grandmother now has the opportunity to see them and rarely does. Guess it shows it was all for the poor me act. Good luck
Wow so glad justice won!!! What a psycho!