Do you ver have those long and dragging months where you feel like an utter failure? Or perhaps when the world weighs on your shoulders and you begin feeling angry and resentful towards those who should (in your view) be there to help you? I am having a very long go with this. Just feeling down on myself.
I care full time for my husband and look after our three children. The eldest is having trouble at school, trouble at home and extended family problems. He is still grieving and crying for a cousin who left suddenly nearly 18 months ago. He's in counselling now and it's the first thing I've felt like I've done right for ages. My second child seems great, but she is still hurting and takes it out on me directly. She's only 9 but has such a hurtful attitude. I get so angry at them both I shout. I have tred to stop but I feel so wound up that I have no energy left. My youngest is just now getting to the assertive toddler year old stage. She's wonderful, but testing. Thankfully she's quite reasonable despite her age. I have my MIL around and she's awesome. Sadly quite ill for the last 8 weeks, but recovering now. The stress of losing contact with three grandchildren has taken its toll.
The whole family is in trauma and I am only just really properly seeing it.
I am seeking counselling for myself now as I just cannot afford to fall down now. God help me I love my family, but life is so heavy a burden right now.
I have found many wonderful things in the middle of the darkness, I have learned much and grown a lot. I have so much more understanding and mercy for people. Somedays though, it just washes over you that "I'm it!" For the kids right now and for the foreseeable future. Needing some encouragement from you wonderful people who have walked through the depths of life's hard battles and come out the otherside.
Needing a lift.
Needing a lift.
Posted in:
Mental Health, Self Care, Loss & Grief, Parenthood Guilt, Health & Wellbeing
6 Replies
Keep on swimming, is what we say at times like this. Simplify life and learn to say no I just can't do that to outside pressures. Life seems to happen that way, loss, dramas and illness all seem to come at once and it's easy to wonder if things will get better. It does get better though. A little at a time. I know it seems impossible but taking a few moments for yourself each day helps in how I interact with others because at least I'm slightly recharged. It doesn't need to be much (some days a few minutes in the shower is a luxury) but every few minutes helps. Most of all go easy on yourself, we are ordinary people dealing with difficult circumstances and nobody expects you to know what to do or do it perfectly x
That is quite a heavy load you carry for your family. Whilst I know you are trying your best to be there for them don't forget to care for yourself. Something I found that helped me was yoga and Buddhist inspired parenting. I downloaded a free yoga app and started doing at least 10 minutes every night after kids went to bed. it is nice and gentle but still exercise which is good for lifting your mood. the Buddhist philosophy and parenting style has helped me think about my attitude towards everything - I feel a lot calmer and positive in pretty much every situation.
Whether yoga suits you or not, find something to help lift you. Happy mum = happy family (well it helps anyway).
Good luck with everything. Don't forget its ok to ask for help and support xxx
youre taking proactive steps to help you and your family, you are doing awesome even when everything is overwhelming you are doing so great. have more self compassion, you are amazing x
My Mum left us suddenly 2 years ago and I am now responsible for my Dad as well as raising my two kids along with my husband; who sadly is not at all supportive. I also have 2 chronic health complaints that impact on my energy and mental and physical state quite heavily. I understand how you feel :( Most days I feel like curling up in bed just so I can hide from all the responsibility and pain in my life. But you (and I) and fighters and even though I absolutely hate the saying 'you never get given more than you can handle'. You have sisters here, you are not alone.
Thanks. I haven't actually met anyone else who is in a similar situation. I appreciate your sharing, it's nice to know there are others getting up even when it's so hard to cope with the pressure. Thanks for encouraging me :-)
You're welcome. I'd be happy for you to contact me if you need someone to talk to.