PND... will it come back??

Hey IM

hoping I'm not the only one to feel this way, I'll try keep it short but here's the back story..... I suffered silently with pnd with dd (now 3.5yrs) I had some pretty dark days and horrible thoughts, even my own mother (who suffered from pnd) thought I should just get over it, often I left dd to cry because I was constantly being told not to "spoil her" and even though it felt wrong I didn't feel strong enough to speak up to the people involved (they were all very close to me and a lot older), they also didn't support my desire to bf so I struggled immensely and gave up before I even really had a chance to try which only added salt to the wound, after a harrowing 13 weeks she was diagnosed with silent reflux (which was somehow my fault and I should have known - comments from those closest again) and I just felt lost, I didn't feel like we ever got a chance to connect and I deeply regret those first few months when she deserved so much more from me. Fast forward to now and we are in such a good place, the issue is that dp wants to try for another, after what I went through the first time around I don't know if I can put myself through that, I know it will be different because I am now surrounded by a support network that I trust and one that actually trusts me and my judgment and also because I have dp (he is not dds bio father) but I still can't even bring myself to look at photos of dd as a baby because all the guilt of it comes flooding back in waves and I almost can't breath, the pain I felt then creeps back in and takes hold of me and I'm scared I might go down the same road if I have another.... I'm am also so scared that the bond with the next possible baby is somehow going to be so much stronger and I don't ever want my connection with dd to be less than what she deserves so I figured that if I simply don't have anymore then she wont ever feel like she's missing out on something that she can clearly see her sibling has that she doesn't (I honestly don't know if that makes sense sorry) just wanting to hear from others that may have been in similar situations and how you dealt with it? Thanks x