Hi, my beautiful son was stillborn at 36 weeks Dec 18 last year. I've not dealt with it well (according to my drs who say grief has a time limit) and still struggle daily with whys and what ifs. I've just found out I'm pregnant again and as much as I'm happy, I'm also terrified. I've had early miscarriages before so I've always been nervous until I got past the "safe time" of 12 weeks but now it's clear there is no safe time and drs say because it's happened before there's an increased chance it'll happen again. Do any IMs have any advice on how not to be so scared? I'm sure stress can't help my situation but I can't help it! Also wondering when and how to tell people.
5 Replies
I'm so sorry for your loss and unfortunately I can't give any advice on how to deal with your current situation. I just wanted to say that you need to ignore your doctors saying that there's a 'time limit' to your grief. Everyone deals with grief differently and take different amounts of time to cope with it and move on. You can't lump everyone in the same basket like that. As long as you ARE trying to deal with it (e.g. counselling), go at your own pace. All the best for this pregnancy xx
I am very sorry for the loss of your baby boy, that must have been really tough and still be really tough. The Dr saying that there is a time limit is completely wrong! There is absolutely no time limit on grief. I have never lost a baby but have lost a lot of close family members and the pain will lessen over time and wont be as intense but there will always be a part of you that aches and that is completely normal. I would maybe suggest going to a womens counselling service where they can help you work through some of these emotions you are experieincing, especially as you are expecting again. Just so that you can feel okay during this pregnancy and birth and help you to come to terms with the whys and what ifs, which you will probably be asking for a while and thats okay. I wish you all the best Mumma xx
Just wanted to share a link to a page where you may find some support from other parents in the same situation as yourself. Sending you blessings for a happy pregnancy and safe arrival of your babe. http://carlymarieprojectheal.com/about/about-carlymarie-project-heal
Im sorry for your loss and the incredible pain you've had to go through. Sending thoughts of love and Hope for a easy pregnancy and healthy baby.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know how you can stop being scared, but hopefully as you progress through your pregnancy you will start to relax and enjoy being pregnant again. Telling people should be a happy occasion, so do so when you are ready. I think it's ok to be still greiving for your lost child, but happy and hopeful for the new one growing, they are 2 different babies, and 2 different pregnancies. All the best, and congratulations! ps: sounds like you should find a new doctor too