Hi all IMs.. I will start by telling you a little about myself.. I have been a single mum for the last 4+ years, I work and look after a house, yard, child and pet. I do this all on my own.. I get no help! Not from family, not from friends. The father of my child lives 15min away and can't be bothered to be involved in his child's life. (Except when its convenient for him) But still wants to stomp his feet and demand his rights..when he thinks his ego has been breached. He takes no responsibility for his child's education, health, emotional wellbeing or anything else that comes with being a dad.
I have always made decisions for our child due to his inability to stand up and be man. I have tried so hard to keep things amicable but then I get subjected to swearing, yelling, name calling, dismissal and threats to withhold my child from me.. from both the ex and his partner. (I could go on)..
I struggle with decisions concerning my child and the relationship with dad.. don't get me wrong I have fought hard for their relationship. I think of my child in every single decision... Wether it is best, how will effect my child etc
I am the constant in my child's life and not a once a fortnight parent. (No court orders). We constantly fight over small stuff and big stuff. Such is life...
I am not perfect!! So I reach out to this wonderful website to try and work out my options, to help me reach a decision in things I second guess my self on... To see things from another perspective, to ask for, help, support and advice...
Then I have the displeasure of reading comments that are judgmental, rude, unhelpful and down right mean...
It is unclear to me how some people think they can read a few paragraphs of someone in need of advice and assume that the poster is being spiteful, vengeful, nasty, malicious, uncaring, petty etc
No one needs that!! Obviously people have a reason to post on this site.. Don't add to their struggle. They are going thru something that they are already having difficulty with...
People need to be able to communicate, to seek help and support if they choose.
So please treat people with some sort of decency and empathy..
I know I am a Imperfect Mum!! .....
3 Replies
I don't know what question you posted and I don't know what people posted. I too have posted on here and found the comments hurtful and sometimes unnecessary. I've also seen people comment with things tht don't help at all on other IMs posts. For example the mum that wrote in asking about possible adoption avenues and someone wrote "well you should have closed your legs then". However after saying that I think sometimes women write in on here looking for support and acceptance and for us to "take their side" when sometimes they are just plain wrong! Sometimes I think us women need a reality check and a kick in the back side to get on with things and maybe we don't even realise what we're doing wrong. I think also if you only give a short description of your life like you said you can't accept people to give accurate advice? Maybe more information should be given.
I think that with this sort of thing there will always be the possibility of some judgement. Everyone has their opinions and when someone writes in asking for opinions, then they need to be open to all the different opinions not just back up for their own opinion. And seeings how we are all just writing in, it could be possible that posts are being read wrong because you can't read 'tone' or body language of a post. Does that make sense?? I hope you ended up getting the answer you needed with your last post (I didn't see it or the comments). People definatly need to think before writing. There is a fine line between giving an opinion and being judgemental.
I have no idea which post that was. Sorry.