Dear sisterhood, thank you again for being truely amazing!
I have written to you previously about being in a domestic violence relationship with an almost 2 year old child.
Well, good news I LEFT!! And I feel good about it! I feel like I can finally breathe and not worry about what was going to happen next.
But.... There's always a but..
Now that i have left what happens?
We bought a house together a few months ago, we borrowed 95%. I know we can't sell because of capital gains tax so what happens?
Also, what happens with mediation? I don't have the choice to stay in the city, I have no family support, I do have a good girlfriend though, but I can't afford the rent! Can my ex make me stay in the city?
My child is only very young, So how young is too young to be away from their mummy?
Seperation
Seperation
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt, Baby & Toddler, FAQ
4 Replies
Ok now you have left (congratulations) be flexible about what your living options are. I lived in a one bedroom unit for years with my son and it worked very very well for us. I had a sofa bed in the loungeroom, boy had the bedroom. Even a studio unit/apartment would work in the short term. So keep an open mind.
Now contact a mediation place in your local area. The sooner it starts the better so don't delay as getting something in writing is really important. Google Family Dispute Resolution. The first part of that is an info session where they tell you what is realistic for a child's age etc.
Ring a legal hotline in your local area to get advice regarding how far away you can move. I think as long as you stay within an hour you should be ok
I'm glad you have left and are taking ownership of your life.
If the house your talking about was and is still your husbands main residence, it will be exempt and therefore no capital gains tax.
If the house is an investment property ( ie one you rented out), any capital gain (being the difference between what you sell it for less selling costs and less the cost to buy it) would be included in both yours and your husbands assessable income depending on your ownership interest and taxed at marginal rates. If you could hold onto it for more than 12 months, the 50% discount would apply and this would reduce the capital gain by 50%.
I'm so glad you were able to leave a situation that wasn't good for you or your son. That takes strength and bravery in pretty remarkable amounts.
Initially I think you should see a lawyer. All states have free legal advice and representation if you fall within eligibility criteria.
There is a requirement to go through mediation before accessing the courts unless the are exceptions, DV being one of them. if there has been DV you need to get a certificate from a mediation service provider that mediation would be unreasonable. You would then be able to apply directly to the courts.
With regard to any care arrangements for the child the court would look at what are the best interests of the child. There are many cases when the court has ruled that it is appropriate for the child to move because of housing, support systems vs isolation etc. it would really be a case by case thing.
Three things I think are important to say. Firstly... I want to say thankyou on your child's behalf! He/she will thank you for ending this cycle of abuse and the confusion and hurt that comes with it. Secondly... you can live your dream of providing your child with a happy safe environment... :-) That sort of thing shapes who they are and in doing so he/she will have soooo much respect for you as as a grown adult because you have displayed how to stand up for yourself and not be ill treated. Thirdly - YOU have earnt the right to feel proud and know in yourself that you have done the best thing for you and your child. Take the time to think and understand what you are giving him/her! It's an amazing thing :-) Security, safety, happy, calm and drama-free life to enjoy! Well done mumma! Take back your right to be YOU. I have been there and you may still have bad days here and there for a while but they fade until one day you realise you are actually doing it! The exact thing your abuser said you couldn't do without them! I am proud of you and I don't even know you!