I am so blessed to have a girl 3.5 years and a son 2 years. My daughter is fairly easy going child and adjusts to new environments and people fairly well. My son is a bit more cautious and likes the comfort of me and my husband before he will be happy somewhere new and with unfamiliar people. He also cries and whinges ALOT - all normal behaviour, but some days can be hard.
My husband is keen for a third child, and I would love to add a child to the family, but I am worried of so many things...
1. I'll be 36 in March! I feel young, but worried about health of bub, pregnancy complications (had placenta previa with my son) and energy levels with 3 children!
2. I suffered PND with both children. I am
a routine type of person and struggled to find 'me' only time while breastfeeding an unprediable baby around their feeds. The dark cloud of PND disappeared once my kiddies got older, but I feel I was robbed of happiness while they were young.
3. Both children will be in or almost starting preschool for 2/3 days, therefore drop off and pick ups required. How does this work with baby's naps, especially once baby is a bit older? Will I be forever waking a sleeping baby?
4. The dynamics of 3 children. Will my son suffer from 'middle child' syndrome and grow up resenting me and younger sibling?
5. Support. My husband is very supportive - but we live an hour away from my parents and sisters. My mother has cancer and her help is limited and my sisters each have their own little families to care for. I do not like strangers in my home or around my children.
6. Expense? I was sure we were done after bub # 2 and sold car capsule, bassinet and gave away all baby clothes. Also will I need to by a mini van to transport my kids? we have a Subaru liberty and not planning on selling it for a long time!
So mummas, please share your opinions and advice, especially those mums who have 3 children and couldn't imagine life any other way!
8 Replies
I was going to have 3....then decided two worked really well...
Then she turned up anyway like a nuclear blast....
2 worked really well but I wouldn't have it any other way.
Oh third children bounce. Not in a literal sense...but you could almost tie them to your hip and get on with your day....they are very good at adjusting.
I'm not kidding when I say there were days I just tied her to me and went to work.
thank you!
When you said that you didn't want to wake baby for school run's I got the impression that you think Babies need quiet to sleep.
This is a HUGE trap new mum's walk into.
Babies don't need quiet to sleep.
In their First week after Birth they will happily sleep through a full brass band or session at the range without batting an eyelid.
Hospitals aren't quiet they are in fact very noisy places and they sleep there.
they have just spent 9 months living in the middle of the equivalent of a steam engine with your heart and lungs constantly pumping and whooshing right beside them and your rear end tooting and your blood roaring past.
from the moment a new born gets home in order to avoid this trap ensure that during nap time the TV ROARS, the Vacuum SUCKS, and the Cupboards BANG! and they will continue to sleep anywhere through anything.
no, I don't think babies need quiet to sleep, but I do think they sleep better when in their cot and not disrupted. in my experience, my kiddies only slept for one cycle when out n about rather than a few hours in bed. I know it's only trivial and in the long scheme of things, not that bad, but I know what triggers PND for me and scarred of that flooding back.
thank you for your response. I wish I could not worry about every detail and go with the flow!
To me it sounds like you don't really want a third. Which is totally cool by the way. I think if you are the one that has to go through it then you get to decide what you can handle and wether to do it or not. I think the bravest thing to do in life is to say No to something you don't feel you can cope with, or don't really want to do.
Don't overthink it, but know of course, having another child IS harder. Two to three was a big jump for me, but only because my third has been my hardest by a mile. He just popped out screaming and hasn't really slowed down for 3 and a half years... haha. Every single thing has been more difficult with him. If it were reversed and I had my first (extremely easy going daughter) last, than it would have been a much easier transition. It just depends on the personality jackpot and what kind of child you get. YOu can't predict how they're going to impact your family. I think you just need to decide if you genuinely want three or not. Despite the difficulties, I personally love having three. And we were thinking more of adult children. We wanted three adult children and more grandkids to love when we're old and grey. They're not little kids forever. Pros are his two big sisters have become extremely nurturing and protective. He's SO funny and I just adore him. His personality is huge, but I can't wait to see what he's going to be like as an adult. Cons - everything is more expensive. Say goodbye to all 'family package deals'... as majority are for 2 kids (I can't believe how much more expensive everything is just by adding a third). More noise. More stress. But most importantly - more LOVE. Which outweighs all the cons. :)
the Cost for most commercial package deals is true...Although education wise 3 or more becomes cheaper.
An example is the family photo with most school packages is free if you buy 3 or more basic individual photo packs.
Most schools have discounts for three or more children, particularly private schools.
You can buy 3 packs of children's movie tickets with popcorn for $30, i tend to buy 4 or more packs a year for birthday parties now they are getting older but aren't yet too old to use the vouchers.
Science works is free for kids, and pensioners are free. makes for a good day out.
Rather than doing the pricey things like oversea's trips airline flights you find you hunt out the really good value deal's in your area and you make it work. you aren't doing what all the other families are, but you aren't without options.
We can't get the family registration for the colour run, so for three children registration cost me over $200
We don't go to the show and haven't for quite a number of years simply because it got to be SO expensive,
Although grandma and grandpa took them last year and found it is no longer good value anyway there are far fewer exhibits and displays and it is just about selling crap to you.
So from now on we will be hitting OzComicCon and PAX it is more their style and it is what they want sold to them rather than the rubbish they don't want.
The Vline family tickets are a problem. but 2 kids can travel free with an Adult. the one extra using their myki inflates the price if only one of us is travelling with them.
Being 3 girls they share clothes so in that regard it is significantly cheaper, although my youngest shred's shoes so I am buying her a new pair every 3 months.
Having the 3rd a boy when the elder 2 are girls would inflate clothing expenses.
Shared Games libraries such as steams family sharing options saves a bit of money.
Microsoft Office 365 family subscriptions covers 5 memberships
however the family licence pack for their operating systems is only 3-4 licences.
its a bit like the problem why are there 8 hotdogs in a pack but only 6 hotdog buns per pack.
And don't forget when you are cooking for 5 or more per head is always cheaper once you know how to cook in bulk. you will find yourself spending half as much time cooking simply because once you know those recipes you double the recipe and stick the left over's in the fridge or freezer for another night.
and when it comes to chores and jobs around the house the load is lighter as many hands to share the duties around. but you need to train them from young or they dodge you.
thank you so much! love your very in depth reasoning.