Hi IM's! This is a long one so please bare with me! I have an 8 yr old step daughter who has been living with us for over 6 months now. Her mother became dependant on ICE and pretty much abandoned her. Now as of a month ago her mother is back on the scene and is claiming she is clean (has not gone to rehab) She has moved back in with her mother, whom she has always lived with on and off. I've been with my partner for over 6 years and we also have other children together....Our main issue is the schooling, we have been driving the kids to 2 different schools as the grandmother of SD insisted she continue going to the Private school she is in (she pays for it) but it has become too much for us and truly think she would be better going to a school that her siblings go to. Now the grandmother has said absolutely not and my partner is unable to un enrol her as his name was never out on the original enrollment forms! The bio mother has now said she will take him to court over this etc etc...(we simply do not have the funds for a lawyer etc) . Just this afternoon my SD tells me that Nana is probably not going to give her back to us when she has her this weekend. This terrifies us, that this is even a possibilty! All over a school! The reason my partner doesn't think he can fight it is that he was never named on the birth cert and the mum is refusing to sign documents for this to happen. Please help me? What rights does my partner have? If any??
I should add that the bio mum has SD two days one week and one day the other week. We have no proof she was using, so unfortunately not sure if there's anything to be done about that either.
Step daughter/ Father's rights! Help!
Tuesday, 29 September 2015 - 20:35
Step daughter/ Father's rights! Help!
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Men's Business, Being a Dad, Education, Kids
7 Replies
You can show history and if necessary a DNA test so parental rights shouldn't be a problem.
If transporting is an issue look into bus routes trains and options.
You won't win the case over schools......talk to Nana and find some solutions.
He can go for custody if mum is an addict and she is spending extended periods at your house and Nana's. That kid needs stability above and beyond all....leave her at the school its the only stability she has. And the court will see that too.
We live 45 mins from her school (probably should have mentioned that) I've checked and there's no viable bus routes. So between my taking my son to his school and getting her to the other school we are doing a round trip of about an hour and a half. We've been doing this for 6 months because as u mentioned it's her stabilty, but it is definitely making life very difficult.
I lived 45 minutes from my school too....my kids have a 2 hour daily commute too and from school they love it. God help me if I pick them up and they can't go home with their friends. ask the school directly. there are routes which are dedicated to students which don't get listed.
Actually I have a suggestion....ask around the mums in the area if any of their kids go there and keep an eye our for uniforms or even if they work in that area.....
We had a large family but we also always had spare seats too....and it was a 6:30 am bus if we couldn't grab a lift so carpooling was common.....we usually had a Couple we regularly collected on the way through. Ask the school even if there are parents out your way who can help in exchange for some contribution towards fuel
Im sorry and I hope I don't sound harsh, but your partner should have sorted this stuff out when she was born. He absolutely has rights and he can contact a free over the phone legal service in your area (just google it). Otherwise contact legal aid.
Now he can take her to court (doesn't need a lawyer) to have a DNA test forced. Beware this also means she will be able to claim child support. Otherwise if he signed a parental acknowledgement form (they are a form of stat dec that is sometimes signed by dads who cave when threatened by legal action for not signing birth certificates) then he doesn't need to do any of that and as long as he has a copy should be able to enrol her in a school etc. This all should have been done as soon as he knew he wasn't on the birth certificate and as soon as they separated.
Its time to force the ex into mediation and do things properly.
Have you tried rocking up to the local school and attempting to enrol her??
He was never told he was not on the birth cert, he was not with the bio mum when she gave birth and he used to be a 'weekend dad' until all of this happened. He has been told by our local school that he CAN enrol her. That's why her nana has lost it, she knows he can and is willing to drag him through court etc. I agree he should've acted sooner also! He has rung up to get the ball rolling with mediation :)
Good luck! If you haven't done it already start making a note of dates and times of significant events, who said what and anything else that has happened in the mean time. Courts usually require as part of their paperwork a time line of what has happened between the two parents from when they met. He can be as detailed as he likes but try to be as factual as possible.
As he has been her primary carer and her mother just dropped off the face of the planet for a number of months I don't see the court ordering your sd back into her mother's care. Even better if he can somehow find evidence of her admitting to having an addiction, like a text message saying that she's clean now and wants to see her daughter can be submitted as evidence as it opens the question of what she is 'clean' from. Try to keep all contact between him and her either email or text message as it can be difficult to record phone calls and she cant deny meaning in a text message.
I would definitely be asking her to prove that she is clean before allowing the child into her care, even if there were court orders I doubt any judge would hold it over you for asking for proof before handing over a child and if she is clean she won't fight it. If the grandmother is planning on keeping her and not returning her I'd definitely not be handing her over, as since there are no court orders and the mother lives with her I doubt you'd see her again without a long battle. Ask your sd what she wants, the courts are big on doing things for the benefit of the child and if she wants to stay with you and her dad then that is worth more than gold. Your poor girl must have been to hell and back :(