Lovely ladies, I need your advice. We've all been hurt - in one way or another - death, divorce, abuse, infidelity, whatever it may have been. I'm not talking paper cut kind of hurt, I'm talking gut-wrenching heart ache where we doubt we can pick ourselves up off the ground, life shattering hurt. Major blow to self esteem kinda hurt. Right?
How did we recover? Looking for wisdom & advice from people who have overcome adversity and seen the light at the end of the tunnel. You made it!!! Now, tell me how you did it, and how long it took.
Need stories of hope.
Thank you kindly IM's
8 Replies
I just had to accept that I couldn't take away the hurt. I had to accept I would feel the pain for as long as I'd have to feel it. I stopped trying to bury it but at the same time I stopped living in it. I chose to take baby steps, day by day and to keep busy but also gave myself a day here or there to sit at home all day sleep and cry. I worked out, I drank, I watched only comedy shows and movies, I listened to music, I called friends and vented!
I've been through what most people would call a hell of a lot. Multiple things that would leave people in a blubbering mess in the floor.
What helped me was having perspective and although I was hurt/ embarrassed/ grieving/ sad (insert 100 other emotions) that I wasn't 'broken', 'less than', my life wasn't 'over' and other things I hear people say when something bad or terrible happens to them. I realised that even though things might be different possibly forever that didn't mean I couldn't have a good life, an excellent life in fact, and be very happy in my future.
My latest blow was my sons latest medical diagnosis one of many very serious conditions the latest leaving him bed ridden much of the time and me at home looking after him giving up my career that I loved and housebound except for 8 hrs a week respite.
Now I've heard parents describe themselves as 'broken' because there child had a diagnosis. I'm not broken. I still function as usual, the WORDS we use matter and can make us feel worse. Yes I cried and it's been an adjustment but I'm so bloody happy! It took work to get there I won't lie but I was never broken, I was sad, worried, scared and although I still worry for my son, I can still be happy, enjoy my life and I have a lot of peace in my life and contentment.
You need to allow yourself to hurt. Time will help you cope but until then cry scream get angry do what you feel you need to xx
Mine was a case or forgive it for my sake. I chose to forgive the wrong because holding on to it was only hurting me, it takes a lot of energy to hate. You never really 'get over it' you just think about it less and less.
You need to take each day as it comes....it will get easier...not right away it may take weeks, month's but just take each day. When I have gone through things that have hurt to the bone, im not gonna lie I have cried my heart out, shut myself off from everything and everyone and perhaps you need to go through that to start healing slowly. I would then try and make an effort to keep myself busy, whether it would be cleaning the house, forcing myself to go out with friends, or even just take long walks and try to put things in perspective.
When you start to feel a little more stable start doing things to build your self up, treating your self, pampering yourself.....its crazy what little things can do. Ive been to hell and back, deaths, divorce, cheating etc ....there is light at the end of the tunnel even if you dont see it right now...you will! Theres a saying... "you will learn to be strong when strong is the only thing you can be"....Things will get better in time *hugs*
Thank you to whoever asked this question. I lost my son to a congenital heart defect and it's coming up to a year that he's been gone on the 30th. I've watched him endure 2 open heart surgeries at only 6 months old and had to hold him in my arms as he took his last breath at 7 months old. He spent half his life in hospital. I got so many happy memories when he was home and "healthy" but all my mind keeps replaying is all the hurt and sadness and all the times I had to watch his little body suffer. I am struggling, my husband and I are struggling. And to top it off we have been ttc with no luck. I cannot see the positives at all even tho I know their is a lot of positives. At least he's not suffering anymore right. But I am suffering and I just can't seem to be happy. The most precious thing has been taken away after it took us a long time to get him, just like that he's gone. Now my arms and heart are both empty.
You have to let yourself feel hurt, then go from there. Allow yourself to be angry, cry, smash things, have a day in bed occasionally, eat ice cream etc
I find after I have had an emotional few days, I actually feel better.
Talk to understanding friends, your gp, or get some counselling. Sometimes just talking about it helps. The frustration about the length of time "it takes you to get over it" will bother you. But it is a process.
My daughter is what keeps me going. There have been so many days where it would have been easier to give up but she needs me, her father needs me to be a good mother and raise her well since he isn't here to do so. Having a partner, my partner.. by my side has also been my saviour. It's been almost 2 years since my daughter's father passed and we had parted ways just months prior, so I also have the guilt, that is and will be with me always. After 13 years together, he will be with me always.. I see so many traits of his in our daughter so his memory lives on in her. Without her I really don't know where I would be.