My marriage has ended… (written by an anonymous Imperfect Mum)

My marriage has ended. My children are heartbroken.

And I can only move forward but have absolutely no interested in another relationship.

He and I were parents already when we met.

He only had contact with one child. I was the sole parent for my child.

Inside the last 10 years, we fell in love, married, had more children, this time together, faced so many challenges, tears, arguments and so many “What was THAT” moments – the good, bad AND ugly!

But in all that time, our time of being bonded was low level.

When it was good, we were amazing.

But the rest of the time… I was not as important as everyone else.

When it was good, we dated, had alone time, we went to bed together and had a chat. Even if we went to bed at different times, we still snuggled up, or at least held hands as we went to sleep.

But as the time went on, the talking stopped.

The intimacy became one sided.

While it is important to have the time apart and separate interests, it is also equally as important to have the time together. Sharing, talking, D and M’s as well as light hearted chats about the day to day.

This isn’t a question, but rather a heartfelt plea to take a long hard look at your relationship, decide if you actually WANT it to work first of all.

Why?

or

Why not?

What do YOU want in/from this relationship?

What does your PARTNER want in/from this relationship?

What are you BOTH happy with, or accepting of?

What can be/ needs improving?

What can be let go of?

What is relevant to improving you both?

What is irrelevant and provides no sustenance to the relationship?

What things do you WANT to know?

You get the idea. Work on questions and answers. PLAY 20 questions. Make time to play.

Don’t ask a question if you don’t want the answer.

And while its ok to have your own personal stuff, don’t have blatant secrets or act like its a big deal when its only something insignificant and petty.

Be willing to share, but also be willing to accept there are so many contradictions in relationships.

Arguments are not about winning, or getting the last word.

ALWAYS make the last thing you say “I love you”.

Even when you only want to choke the living daylights out of them.

Its not about winning or losing, who is right or wrong; it is NOT a competition.

The only thing that matters at the end of the day, is that someone loves you so much, they want to spend their time with you, want their life intertwined with you, unconditionally. No nastiness, spite or being vindictive.

Just love.

Its better to be hurt hearing the truth than it is to be comforted with lies. Or worse, not comforted at all because someone has no interest what so ever in making you feel like you are important too.

I have to move on with my life, without the person I once could not imagine my life without. My soul mate. My other half.

But its not my other half. So I have learnt.

Best wishes to all. If someone else, anyone else can learn from my difficult place – that brings me some sort of relief. Thank you.