Re 16yo Boy and Pornography.

Hi IM’s,
I decided to follow up on my post to address a few things that were raised, but also more importantly to thank everyone for their comments, and words of advice. Especially from those who shared stories of either raising their own sons in a similar way, or stories of having been raised themselves by parents who chose to normalise sexual exploration for them. Thank you so much for your stories of self-acceptance and sexual awareness. Those are the stories I needed to hear. It was also fantastic to hear from people who like me were raised in the complete opposite way, and are making a conscious effort to give their children the tools they didn’t have by being open and honest with them.
A few people made comments about my son not having any contact with girls, and I can assure you this is a concern for me also and one that I am trying my hardest to address. One of the main reasons that I encouraged him to get a job was so that he could be around girls his age again. In primary school he never struggled with girls and some of his best mates were girls, so I’m hoping that given his past interactions and the fact that he now has a job, that awkwardness does not become an issue down the track. He’s such a kind-hearted kid though that I really think he’ll be fine in this regard.
Another topic raised was his usage of porn becoming an addiction, and also the availability of really hard-core porn on the internet. These are some of my biggest concerns, and are in fact what prompted me to ask my question in the first place. I do worry that he may come to rely on watching pornography and I also worry that he may see things I’m not comfortable with him seeing. I wish I had answers, but I don’t, and it’s for that reason that I try and communicate with him often. I also remind him frequently that once something has been seen, it cannot be unseen! But I need to trust his judgment and allow him to make his own decisions and even mistakes. Mistakes are what help us to grow and I know he will probably make loads, all I can do is be here for him to help him navigate his adolescence, I cannot hold his hand and make decisions for him.
I know someone also questioned my allowing him to watch pornography at all, and I respect that. I know that porn is responsible for exploitation, and I am aware that it can change how men view sex. And I will say this, in a perfect world, pornography and exploitation would not be intertwined. In a perfect world, my son would have stayed the cherubic blonde haired toddler with chubby cheeks and squidgy thighs, who loved to be smothered with mummy kisses. But we do not live in a perfect world and all I can do is try to lead my son in the right direction. I don’t think that watching porn will make him a bad person, especially when I already know what a great person he is. I choose to allow him to watch pornography because I feel like it’s the right decision for us. I don’t feel that anything would be gained by trying to limit his access, in fact I think it would cause him to become secretive and dishonest and those are things I could not stand.
Thanks once again for all of the support, it really is wonderful that most of us can see past our differences and recognise that everyone is trying their damn hardest to do what’s right by their kids. We all have moments where we make a decision and then think ‘Crap, have I handled this in the best way possible’. It’s having those moments that means we’re doing this parenting thing right (I think…. Hahaha).