I feel physically sick as I type this
The other day a friend babysat my 10 year old son while I took my other kids to the dentist
Later that night she sent me a text saying her 6 year old daughter told her my son had asked her a number of times to pull down her pants and show him her "privates"
She said no, but he kept asking until she got angry and closed herself in her room
I did some quick googling and freaked out, I get that there's a certain level of innocence and age appropriate curiosity in this stuff for most kids, but the red flags I kept reading were all there: more than a 3 year age gap, difference in size/stature, persistence after the other child says no
Now today my own 6 year old daughter just out of the blue happily announced her and her brother played a "sexy game" this morning
I asked her what's a sexy game?
She said he asked her to touch his penis, and he rubbed his penis on her bottom, vulva and belly
Then she said they used to play that game when she was 5, in the tent in our playroom
I am absolutely freaking out now
For the last year or so my beautiful son has changed drastically, I'm currently waiting on an appointment with a child psychiatrist with pediatritian diagnosing severe OCD and possible bipolar
He has very strict rules about what his younger siblings aren't allowed to like, have, touch or eat, a couple of examples, his sister asked me one morning if she could order a tuna sandwich from canteen, tuna is one of his favourite foods and he went into a rage, throwing dining chairs and ultimately ending with him in tears and a kitchen knife to his throat, threatening to kill himself
Another time she touched "his" chair in the loungeroom, and he was curled up in the fetal position, dry reaching he was crying so hard
He talks daily about suicide, there's nothing good about his life, everyone hates him etc
I've had to lock all our knives away, he's tried tieing a plastic bag over his head
He has his first appointment with a new psychologist next week (last one moved away), I'm with the brighter futures program, we have a family support worker on top of the brighter futures one, I have my gps personal mobile number to call him if shit really hits the fan
Because he has a diagnoses of autism (Aspergers under the old dsm) mental health teams are being reluctant to see him, even with his ped, gp and social workers begging hospitals to give him a bed and get him medicated (ped won't Medicate until a psychiatrist assesses him)
But what the hell do I do now?? Is he/has he been sexually abused?? My daughter has at least
How on earth do I help my babies??
I'm a single mum of 5, kids have a variety of special needs
They sometimes see their dad, often when he has their 2 16 and 18 yo half brothers (who also have autism)
Dad has a self-diagnosed porn/sex addiction, and he hid all his porn to my knowledge after I asked him to, but I know my kids have been exposed in the very least to DVD covers
His introduction to porn started in his grandfathers bed at 14 where they would watch it together, but he's never seen anything wrong with that, in fact it's one of his favourite memories of his grandfather
I can't help thinking he or the half brothers might have done something to him
But what do I do? How can I protect his sister and help both of them? Do I have to send him away??
15 Replies
I think I would be ringing lifeline and brace hearts for advice immediately. You need advice from the right people and they are in a much better place to help you.
You could also ring the emergency mental health triage/crisis support in your area.
Holy fucking shit mumma that is a lot for you to deal with right now, and my heart goes out to you.
I dont have any personal dealings with sexual abuse so i cant offer a lot of help, but my initial thought is to talk to your GP (or social worker, or who ever you feel the most comfortable talking to) Asap and tell them everything you have just told us. They should be able to give you some guidence and support.
Talk to your ex (if you can) and tell him whats going on and ask if he can think of any reason why this has happened, and also to let him know to watch the children so it doesnt happen again.
Talk to your son, explain to him how it is not appropriate. It is very normal for a 10yr old boy to start having hormones running around, and to get erections and to talk about penis's, vaginas and all things puberty. Of course its not appropriate to act on these things and i assume thats where his autism has come into play.
Lastly, be extra extra vigilant with your other children! Even if the little ones need to sleep with you until you feel comfortable he wont do this again.
Dont allow them to play out of your sight and tell the little ones that if he wants to play a sexy game again they are to tell you straight away.
This problem needs to be addressed with professionals, please arrange to speak to someone asap
you are doing EVERYTHING RIGHT!
for now keep him away from the other's
we used phenergan because it is available over the counter to sedate while we waited for the process to complete itself. it should keep the hypersexuality in check you are doing JUST fine.
Hypersexuality is a symptom of bipolar disorder...actually everything you mention is. it could be that his aspergers was a misdiagnosis. and from the sounds of things could be multiple generations.
Hypersexuality is a very common but lesser known symptom of bipolar disorder in children and one VERY RARELY discussed because who wants to talk about sexually active and not just sexually active but almost predatory behaviour in children.
there is risk he has been interfered with...BUT interrogating him wont give you answers wait for the team to do their work.
But the fact that it is YEARS between such events with his sisters tells me chances of him being a victim are significantly LOW. this is only happening during episodes. if he was a victim the behaviour would continue outside of episodes without him being quite as pushy.
most importantly don't overreact. don't get hysterical
its a really bad idea to question him on it right now because without training you could actually ask leading questions and there be all sorts of problems with that.
And if it is bipolar he is manic you may as well be speaking to a brick wall....
keep him well supervised.
I repeat just to make sure you know CHANCES ARE HE IS NOT A VICTIM!
because these behaviours have ONLY been evident DURING episodes of mania! Take Heart Mum!
Some links and Resources
http://www.bphope.com/opening-the-door-on-hypersexuality/
http://www.bphope.com/kids-children-teens/straight-talk-about-kids-and-sex/
http://www.bphope.com/blog/hypersexuality-in-bipolar-disorder/
ok this is a link to a folder of research and articles I had a friend help me round up, most of these are usually locked behind pay walls but its some light reading you may find useful
https://onedrive.live.com/redir?resid=25276A10A839C1D1!44005&authkey=!AN...
Oh and you can always come meet some other mother's of Bipolar Kids
https://thelittlesuperhero.wordpress.com/
https://www.facebook.com/BipolarAwareness/
https://www.facebook.com/TheLittleSuperHero
https://www.facebook.com/bpMagazine/
I admit....I don't have to deal with Hypersexuality.
and I am thankful for that every day. although we have had to deal with oversexualised behaviour unrelated to bipolar disorder at younger ages and to begin with same rules apply. my eldest likely is a victim although we don't know if it was just emotional abuse or actually sexual abuse. the fact is sexualised behaviour can also be self soothing in traumatised kids. it doesn't automatically mean someone interfered with them sexually ok it is a HUGE massive misconception.
instead when my youngest is manic it is an acute fixation with death gore violence and everything morbid....
so she hides out in my room watching horror and zombie movies....because her sisters can't stand her constant word vomit that she wants to kill us...its not a threat it is literally just quite morbid word vomit.
Although she is VERY much physically invasive. her HUGS can knock you meters and bruise ribs and you are left prying her off....asking her not to and actually have her take it in process it and heed the request simply isn't on the cards.
Oh and Mum, Dont forget you are AWESOME! you are doing everything in your power to get your kids the help they need. it is slow to happen. but you will get there!
Wowsers mumma! You have ALOT going on right now! You are one amazingly strong mumma & I feel for you, I really do. I don't really have any advice excep for what you're already doing (keeping an eye on him & not allowing him to be alone with your other children, or any other children) I hope you get the help you need ASAP for your little boy, keep pushing through until somebody listens ? Even if you have to call an ambulance or show up at emergency it's worth a go. Please don't listen to the above poster & 'sedate' him with phenergan! That's not right & I can't believe somebody would advise u to do such a thing. I wish you all the luck love & strength in the world to get through this. Please keep us updated. Thinking of you Hun xxx
http://myemail.constantcontact.com/CMHAW-2016.html?soid=1102207116207&ai...
This might interest you its in the US but even better it will mean a massive FLOOD of information coming out of the country with the most research on the subject in the world.
Hi, I don't have any answers for you other than talking to the relevant health care providers (gp, Bravehearts, lifeline).
I don't think online advice can be entirely helpful - some people seem to only think of their own experience when in a complicated situation such as yours only the right professionals can help.
http://www.bphope.com/bipolar-co-existing-with-ocd-may-be-a-distinct-type/
BP hope just posted this one includes link to the source. Fits your son's and family history so thought you would be interested we deal predominantly with Bipolar type 1 and PTSD psychosis and mania is great fun :/ thankfully she hasn't joined him with the psychosis.
Wow you have a lot on your plate sweetness ? No advice just wanted to wish you the best. This lady that is continuasly commenting on this post (and many many others I've seen) and abusing everyone is a friggen nut job! She beed some serious help!
He has 110% been Abused you know he has done this to your daughter who will need help asap but who else has he tried to abuse? Why is he so angry and talking about suicide every day he is a 10 year old boy who has been taken advantage of and now he blames himself maybe he doesn't have Bipolar maybe it hurt pain and rage from sexual abuse talk to them both explain it is wrong what they are doing and get them help Asap what a Shit situation for you i wish you all the Best Be Brave xxx
Farout so sad to see so many Bitches on here a poor mum needs advise not Bitches fighting over petty crap GROW UP