A quick backstory. Devoted Mumma to very curious and mindful 4yo boy. Also a grieving Mumma to two gorgeous baby boys that were born sleeping.
We have never hidden the existence of our two angels from Master 4, we talk openly and lovingly about them both. However, recently Master 4 had become obsessed with death. Not in a gruesome or awful way. More in a curious manner. How? Why? When? Etc. He asks what happened to his brothers and I've said they died when they were still inside me because they were too small and very sick. He has asked what happens to his grandfather (he never knew him) and I said he was very old and was sick and he died. I explained that your heart stops beating and you stop moving. I said that it doesn't hurt and it's nothing to be afraid of. It's very sad for the people that love you because they can't see you anymore - but I told him you can still feel them in your heart and see them in your dreams.
Anyway, these conversations have been going on a daily basis. Worryingly though, for about a week now, Master 4 has been getting pretty upset about the thought of himself dying, or me, or his Dad. He has said he doesn't want to turn 5 because he will die. Asking me when is he going to die. Saying Mummy, please don't die. When it's your birthday, are you going to die? Even to the point where last night, he was awake for 2 hours past bedtime, with me cuddling him trying to reassure him that he was NOT going to die.
Any helpful thoughts or suggestions on where to from here?
How do I convince my 4yo that he isn't going to die?
How do I convince my 4yo that he isn't going to die?
Posted in:
Loss & Grief, Loss of a Child (My Story), Kids
5 Replies
Tell him you were told by the doctor that you are not going to die until you are at least 90 and he isn't going to die until he is the same age???
Do you believe in heaven? Tell him what you think heaven looks like and when you die you are surrounded by all of your family members and pets that have died before...
Its a natural development around this age.
Looks like you may have scared him with your conversations of death. He is living in fear now, you need to start having conversations about death that are more uplifting and positive. Like the others have said get someone important to have a word to him. Find books with beautiful pictures of Angels, God and Heaven and show him there is nothing to be afraid of, even if you die. Let him know there are family, friends and pets waiting there for their loved ones when they die and they have a party. Tell him when you die you will be so happy to see your two sleeping boys. Make up fun, loving stories about heaven and passed loved ones before bedtime.
Talk to him honestly. My husband died when my kids were two and three. They worried about dying or me dying and asked lots of questions. I did my best to answer everything honestly, I never promised them I wouldn't sure because I can't guarantee that. I explained that everything that lives dies and that it's okay. I told them that most people live until they are very old. Kids a resilient, be honest.