I just don't know how to cope, how to keep going , how to pretend everything is ok. Yesterday I killed my baby. I had an abortion. The emptiness I fell is outstanding as I lay here by my self thinking of the life that is gone. My baby was only here for 9 weeks but already I miss it. I miss what could of been. A little brother or sister to my girls. A new person to love with all of my heart. My life is literally falling apart around me and there isn't a single thing I can do. I have lost everything. My family, my home , my happiness. Everything I hoped and dreamed of has gone. Disappeared ! Because of one persons selfishness. Because they only thought of them selfs. My heart is so broken I just really don't want to wake up. I don't know how to be a happy loving mother to my girls and just feel maybe they would be better off without me. Everything in my life just causes so much pain, I can't Handel it anymore. I pray that I don't wake up. That my girls grow up being great people knowing they had a mother that loved them and loved them so much that it was best if she wasn't there anymore.
6 Replies
Please call 13 11 14 and talk this through xx
Their life will never be better with you not in it. Ever. Even if you decided in the end a termination was best for your family, you're still going to grieve, and you should grieve, you have to, but don't get lost in it. Your girls love you and need you, they need you to see someone and work through this, they need you strong again and they need your love for a long time yet.
Please know you are not alone. I grew up without a Mum and it is so hard. Your girls need you. You are going through grief, and eventually things will get easier. You need to talk to someone. Do you have a girlfriend you can ring? If not ring 131114 and talk to a counsellor. Hun, know that we all have days where we feel that no-one can understand what we are going through. Please remember you have love, your girls love you and you are worthy of so much. Sending you hugs.
Your girls will not be better off without you! I lost my mum when i was 6 years old and I wish nothing more to have had her around me while growing up. Even now at 40, I wish i had her to just run things by. Use your girls as inspiration to get better. You're in a dark place. Go to the doc and start to get better. If you fight, ypu can crawl out of that hole. Do it for your children. They are counting on you!
Oh mumma.....life sucks the big one at times. Sometimes it's like an endless cycle of shit. The last 5 years for me has been a constant test with some horrendous things happening. At times I too have thought of just giving up because what else can I do when everything is so fucked up. To be truthful I don't know how I have managed at times I honestly don't but there is something inside that keeps me here. Keeps me grounded when chaos is happening. Keeps me sane when everything is insane. I don't know what it is and it isn't there all the time but I try and find it. Grasp it and use its strength when you have none. Even if just to get through that hour or that day.
Look into your childrens eyes and imagine telling them you give up. Look into their future without you. They need you even if you are in pieces they will see you hanging in there and see you pick yourself up time and time again. You are their hero. You have more strength than you know....seek help if you need to. You've got this, you just don't know it yet xoxo
Kelly here, from The Imperfect Mum team.
I contacted this mother as soon as I read this post - to which we had a conversation and she's also told me "I'll be seeing a psychologist in Jan to help me sort stuff out"
Since it was posted on facebook today (and taken down again) the mum has wanted me to update you all.
"I'm ok it was just a very dark moment after a very hard horrible decision. Not suicidal, just was in a horrible place, thank you for checking up"
also
"I seen some of the comments before and I was tempted to say something but thought it would give me away, maybe just edit it to say admin has had contact and everything is ok! Mum was just in a dark place and wondering if there were others that have been in that position, what helped them? What support should I be seeking"
Thank you SO much for the kind replies and to the mums who reached out and shared for this mum out of their own experiences. This is what I see the site for - to connect mums who are probably feeling very alone, scared and isolated in their dark time. Giving them a voice - and hopefully the strength to soldier on and in the direction they need to go. Thank you
Big hugs xKelly