Attention parents of teenage girls! I need help...my daughter is 15yrs old and over the last couple of years has changed to a completely different person. Whilst I know it’s natural and was expected, the things i are finding out I’m not feeling good about at all. She started acting very strange a couple of months ago. Taking her phone to the bathroom and being secretive, so we checked phone (agreement that we could when she first got a phone) and turns out she had starting dating a boy. I was shocked and worried about what she was doing so had a talk and said all is good as long as everything was out in the open and she wasn’t sexting or anything silly. My husband and I made the rule no phone in bedroom or bathroom. It’s a constant battle trying to get her off her phone and find some balance with technology...last week after another incident we took her phone when we went to bed. My husband got up and caught her with an old phone in her room. For lying we band her from going to her friends house the following day/night. We decided to check her phone again after acting all secretive....once again this was an agreement when getting the phone that if we ever thought anything bad was happening we have the right to check it. So turns out she has been taking pictures of herself for her boyfriend (although deleted there was talk of naked pictures) she has also googled places to has sex. She has made multiple insta accounts where it looks like she is trolling others kids from school, messaging nasty things etc. Which I think she may be doing with her friends. She bad mouths us and is exaggerating how things are at home to the point her friends asked if they could tell the school councillor, which she shut down straight away.
Im lost and hurt.. I raised her better than this especially with the bullying. Any time she complain of any other kids I would ALWAYS try and get her to see the other side, what there home life was like, how she would feel if it was her. She was always empathetic and compassionate until the last year or so...I was hoping it was just a teenage girl phase?! My husband and I have spoken about telling the school councillor about the messages in hope the school can try n talk to the kids about social media bullying. I really don’t know what to do..she won’t listen she doesn’t respect what we say.
The sexting, how do I stop it! I have tried talking and keeping the phone in areas we can see but she is so sneaky! I know it’s common now but it’s still something that’s she says she would never do and we would not allow. I’m feeling so lost with everything, I thought I did a better job than this as her mother...what do I do!? Is anyone gone through this and found a way to help get their daughter back on track?
Help...Teenage Girl!
Help...Teenage Girl!
Posted in:
Teenagers, Tips and Advice, Dating & Sex
12 Replies
BACK AWAY FROM THE TEENAGER! I REPEAT! BACK AWAY FROM THE TEENAGER!
This honestly sounds like normal teenage stuff except that there's no drugs or alcohol in there! Troll accounts have to go, they are not on but again its not abnormal for teenagers to have troll accounts, they probably all do! Photos are really stupid and she needs to know that if her bf is over 16 ? he can be on charges for possessing her photo. Plus how it can end up on one of those sites. Teenagers are attached to their phones! My daughter and stepson are always on their phones. If you keep being pushy and nosey you will drive her away, she's already expressing how unhappy she is to her friends. When she is 16 she can do what she likes as far as the law is concerned and you can't force her back if she leaves. Give her a bit of freedom and control back and she might repay you with a bit of honesty and responsibility.
Haha thank you, yes it is hard to back away sometimes! She has plenty of freedom, see her friends and boyfriend often but not allowed to his house at this stage. He is not over 16 and we have had all the talks on what could happen with nude photos....thank you insta and Snapchat for making these kids think they are untouchable 😒 I haven’t spoken to her about the troll accounts yet as I’m worried about the lack of trust after looking at her phone again but need to do something about it.
If you find the answer, do let everyone else know because teenagers are... well... awful. I have an almost 15yo and its a contestant battle. He was such a sweet boy but OMG. The lying, the deceptions, the sheer stupidity!!! We have always had rules and boundaries and clear lines of communication but this has been purely insane. one minute he is a lovely boy and next minute, he is a sulking, horrible teenager who has no problems lying straight to your face.
You are not alone. You are not a bad parent.
Think back to when you were 15, unless you were part of the very small minority, I'm sure you probably lied to your parents at least once and probably disliked them deeply at one point or another too, I'm sure you probably made some poor decisions to get the attention of boys, I'm sure you were probably feeling the pressure that every other teenager feels when they're stuck somewhere between kid and adult.
Fast forward to 2019 - imagine dealing with all that AND dealing with all the stuff this new digital world brought with it. Porn at the touch of a button, unrelenting social media, unrealistic expectations young girls feel they need to live up to. We had it easy in previous generations compared to now!
So before you make your next move, take a second to empathise and really appreciate the struggles that teenagers of today face.
The troll accounts - Obviously, delete them after looking through the activity. If shes using these platforms to be a bully, she needs help herself. Girls often bully because they're insecure or hurting within themselves so it gives them brief vindication and an escape from their own pain and they end up chasing that feeling like it's a drug.
I would suggest some councelling for her in that regard.
Exploring her sexuality isn't something she should be punished for - she's interested in boys and sex, that's pretty well developmentally where most 15 year olds are at. You probably need to accept that she's going to do it either way. You can either push and punish which will end up with her taking risks (aka. Googling locations to have sex - probably unprotected) or you can educate her, accept it and give her a safe space so she's not out hooking up in a shady park.
I would discuss her starting some form of birth control and the importance of protecting yourself from not only STIs but from compromising images ending up viral and the implications that can have. And again, educate - don't preach.
I think you really need to ease up a bit, we can't expect adult behaviour from our teens while simultaneously treating them like naughty children, but it's hard not to go too far in the opposite direction and become their BFF, so finding that balance is the key.
That is not normal for everyone. Sadly it is being said to be normal. But no.
Take ALL devices off her immediately. Yes mum and dad you CAN do this. They live under your house and are not an adult. When she acts like an adult then she can be treated like one.
The school needs to be made aware of what’s going on with her. By this I mean you need to call a meeting with the principle, year level teacher, any other relevant teachers and you mum and dad. Names of all kids who are being internet bullies and the boyfriend all need to be named in this meeting. Hopefully your school will deal with these kids and also inform the parents.
Our rule you can have is no boyfriends while at school period.
You can do this. It’s not nice being the one dishing out the rules and discipline. But parenting is not a popularity contest.
I really didn’t care that other kids referred to us as the strict parents.
😂
Yeah, my mum tried this approach. I moved out into my boyfriend's skeezy house, dropped out of school and spent the next 2 years drinking and getting high...
This girl is so vulnerable right now, I don't think you even realise.
She needs help and guidance not her parents going all drill sergeant on her!
AGREE! she needs LOVE, support to be nurtured and to know you are there for her, don't turn your back on her or push her further away.
AGREE! she needs LOVE, support to be nurtured and to know you are there for her, don't turn your back on her or push her further away.
Not sure what you think the school can or will do with this information? This is not the schools job and nor should it be, parents needs to parent, schools need to teach the curriculum. This parent seems very onto it and if they feel the need to involve other parents I’m sure they will go directly to the other parents!
As for the OP, I have15yo and 13yo girls and I think being honest is always your best policy. Tell your daughter you’re disappointed that she is bad mouthing you, give her a serious lecture about photos and where they end up (in the hands of grubby old men). Tell her if she thinks she’s ready for sex then she needs birth control, give her the nitty gritty on sti’s (include pictures). You aren’t going to stop your child from having sex if that’s what they’ve decided to do, so protect them from things that can harm their future, including pictures.
The bullying part is not on and you can investigate that further.
As for the boyfriend, I’d leave that bit alone. All she is doing is all completely normal for her age. Set her up on the pill or some form of contraception. And tell her you’re there for support whenever she does need it.
It’s bound to happen eventually and I think I’d prefer a boyfriend she’s had (even if for a few months) then a complete stranger or a last minute hook up like most of my friends had
Hurt people hurt others. It sounds like her vibrational frequency has dropped and she's in a dark place, down in the lower vibrational frequencies, map of consciousness: under 200 to be doing what she is doing. My best suggestion: LOVE. She should be surrounded with love. I'd be playing high vibrational frequency in the home, whist she sleeps. 432hz or 528hz, you can find it on you tube. The people she surrounds herself with can effect her own personal frequency and lower it.