Hey all- I have a question.
My ex is letting our 12 year old son have sleep overs with girls when he is at his house. Not in the same room (I assume) and my current husband is very uncomfortable with it. I am not ecstatic but I try not to interfere with what he does at his house and I do trust him as a father to make choices for our child.
My current husband wants to tell him it has to stop or we will report him to DOCs and i feel like it's not necessary.
The kids are not doing anything (that i know of)
Am i being silly or is my husband overreacting?
12 year old having sleep over with opposition sex
12 year old having sleep over with opposition sex
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Teenagers, Tips and Advice, Dating & Sex
17 Replies
I think you may be under reacting. I think you need to ask those questions to the other parent. If you trust your child snd he trusts your child, then case closed. But I do think if you haven’t already had a very detailed sex talk - now is that time !
You are under reacting. If I was you I’d want to know details!
My parents were incredibly naive this way and we had sleep overs dorm style sharing with the opposite sex of the same age with family friends. Never occurred to them what we could do and they have no idea what we did to this day.
At the very least ask some damn questions about what the sleep arrangements are and what the supervision is like.
And yeah, 12 year olds can be stupid and things can go too far, if you don’t think 12 year olds have had sex before you need to shake yourself out of that.
That is your expierence. Many of us were capable of not having sex in those situations.
This is absolutely NOT okay! My son is 15 and no way in hell is he allowed to sleep over any girls house unless i personally know and trust the family.
Your husband is on the money here. Parents choices impact children and this one needs to be reconsidered. What the hell is the thinking?
Am I the only one that doesn't see a huge issue with it? It really depends on what the situation is.
Nope, I'm right there with you.
Nope, my sons 11, all his friends are girls, he has sleep over parties with them, I didn’t think I’d have to stop in a year? Does it suddenly become a thing? He’s always had all girl friends I’d hate for him to lose his friends or be excluded over something silly
Theres no indication this is from growing up up together or that theyre good friends.
I recently had a mixed sleep over. It was just all of my friends kids and they were happy and theyre still quite innocent so I wasnt going to say anything. By puberty and depending on circumstances I would separate them though. I definitely would not be inviting them to start it at that age.
My 11 and 13 year olds have been to a few mixed gender sleepovers, they even slept in the same room 😱
I don't host sleepovers at my house for reasons that are irrelevant to this topic but if I did, I'd have no hesitation inviting my kids friends of either gender. I respect that other parents may not be comfortable with it and I'd whole heartedly understand if parents decided to decline but I'd be absolutely furious if someone reported me to docs for it!
Unless there's extenuating circumstances that pose a very real safety issue, reporting your ex to docs is kind of absurd and having some knowledge of how the system works, I doubt that alone would even be investigated.
He is overreacting. What's Docs going to do? No child safety laws have been broken. What is the background for the sleepovers? Family friends? School friends? A group of kids? Or are they girlfriends? I think you need to add a bit of info there. My nephew is 14 and only has girl friends, he has sleepovers and hangs out all the time.
It really depends on the kids on question. I have had a couple of my daughters male friends sleepover in our spare room. The first time she went to a mixed gender sleepover, the boys mum messaged me to outline the sleeping arrangements and offer to call if I had any questions, which I really appreciated. Because my daughter has so many male friends, I had to really consider what boundaries were appropriate. Am I being taken for a ride? Possibly, but I don't think so. But again, you know your son and his mates best.
We have had it at mine and they at others houses. Sex is sex regardless of the gender. My issue was always more STDs than pregnancy.
I was 8 when I was raped by a 10 and 11 year old.
Parents in the house, "supervising".
I know we can't wrap our kids in cotton wool, I'll do what I can to minimise risk though.
My son has always had sleep overs with girls as the majority of his best friends have been girls. Even now at nearly 17 it still happens regularly. He has just come out as gay so not as if anyone has ever really had anything to worry about but his friends parents have always treated him with love, respect and apart of their families, which I’m forever grateful for!. I was also a teen mother at 16, with him, so if I can chill out about it surely others can too 😉. I think your husband is way out of line. DOCs? What the hell will they do lol. I also share custody of my 5kids with my ex husband and what happens at his house is his business and vice versa (as long as everyone is safe of course). Same with my partner and his ex and their children. Partners ex is the only one who tries to control things at our place and it’s just ridiculous and awful! Affects the children the most. We worry about our end only as that’s what we have control over. Sounds like hubby needs to do some soul searching and figure out why he believes boys and girls having sleep overs is such a trigger for him. Be something from his childhood I’m sure.
Plenty of teen parents out there so it does happen. And as his parent I’d feel bad if this girl ended up pregnant and I didn’t at least have a talk. Doesn’t matter whose house the child is at, you’re a parent every day. You parental duties don’t stop just cause he’s at another parents house. If your new husband didn’t care and encourage opposite sex sleep overs , all the Karen’s would abuse him for not caring. Now he’s sharing he concerns and as a male himself understands how teen males work he’s showing sincere concern.
As a bi person that was open as a teen I find this a bit silly. Sex is all times of day and between all genders of people.