So a couple of months ago my partner and I were having sex when the condom fell off. The next day I went and got the morning after pill and he booked in for the snip. As we don't want any kids together. He's son is 14 and I have a 13,11 and 8 year old. Anyway turns out the morning after pill didn't work. I was pregnant. My first reaction was well we are just going to now be a family of 7, but then we started laying out everything and weighing up everything that would change Financially, emotionally, family dynamics, housing,cars, my health, our ages, the list goes on.The only upside was we would have a child together. So in the end we agreed abortion was our best choice. This decision was made woth a VERY heavy heart.
So we had the ultrasound before hand. The sonographer told us there was nothing in the sac.
Hubby had the snip the next day and the following week I had the abortion.
I started bleeding the day before the procedure.
The day of the procedure due to covid restrictions I was left without my hubby for 5 hours. I found the whole experience very overwhelming and confronting.
It has now been 2 months, and I am struggling so much. I can only talk to hubby so much but he really doesn't understand. I do have a couple of friends who know but I don't want to be constantly crying poor me to them and the rest of the people on my life wouldn't understand.
So I guess what I'm asking is how do I deal with my emotions? I am in whole 70% ok with our decision but the other 30% I feel guilt, ashamed, sad, judged, alone, regret, angry. These emotions have consumed me everyday for the past two months
I just want to be me again and get past this.
*edit* I should add I have reached out to my dr a few days ago and I start seeing a psychologist on Monday.
6 Replies
I think it would be worthwhile to find a psychologist to talk to. You are allowed to reach out for professional support.
Start with asking your GP for a mental health care plan.
Without sounding harsh, maybe try to tell yourself this baby wasnt meant to be. You may have made the decision to abort but there was no babe in the sac. Please dont feel guilty, you made a decision at the time that was right for you. Let yourself grieve for the baby and what could have been and then focus on you and what you have now.
It sounds as though you had a miscarriage
The psychologist will help a lot. Until Then take care of yourself and be as gentle and kind as you would be to someone else in this position
It sounds as though you had a blighted ovum and were going to miscarry anyway, if you were more than five weeks pregnant and there was nothing in the sac. This doesn’t make it any easier for you to grieve your loss, though. Speak to your GP to get a mental health care plan and referral to a psychologist. They will be able to help you work through your grief and guilt.
I think an important thing to remember is that everything you are feeling is VALID. And to accept all these emotions, let them come and then let them go. Ride the waves.
If you can't talk to anyone, write down how you're feeling and elaborate on those feelings. And acknowledge that everything you write is okay, normal and valid.
Everything you are feelings is important and needs to be acknowledged in order to move forward. You can't expect (and no one expects you) to go through something traumatic (despite it being your decision) and not struggle in some way or other. It's completely normal and okay.