Please I need some help!!
Im at a complete loss as what to do with my 12.5 year old daughter, she started high school this year and things have just gotten ten times worst!! To say the least the last few years haven’t been the greatest.. (separation, alcoholism- her dad going to jail - unrelated murder in the family) someone last year). She is so out of control she’s been suspended from school for train surfing, apparently she’s saying she’s an “eshay”, she speaks to me like utter shit! She attacked me a few weeks ago, I was on the ground and I couldn’t breath she had kicked me that hard in the chest, she just sat there.. she’s also cutting herself, and has told me she feels suicidal at stages. I have been to counseling on the past for her behaviour before it even got to this point… She has a new mental
Health care plan… and helps currently being run through the school, as she actually refuses to go to the doctors… I have lost complete control of her, she picks and chooses when she goes to school, I feel so lost…. I need help! What do I do???
Teenage daughter help!!!!!
Monday, 7 June 2021 - 21:03
5 Replies
She desperately needs to go to a psychologist- there is so much trauma for a young brain. She is likely hurt and angry and not expressing it appropriately. Her behaviour is a result of what she has been through.
You too should see someone and develop some coping strategies and support for yourself.
Hurt people hurt people.
Sending you love and strength
Get her to the drs and get a referral to a psychologist ASAP. Hug her and talk to her. Be very open with her show her lots of love and care. She is hurting poor girl but poor mum also.
Cut any technology also until she seeks help.
Sounds like you have both been through alot! I dont have a teen daughter, but I once was one that was out of control.
So I thought I would just give ya some much needed hope.
I was once like your daughter, so much trauma coupled with puberty really spun me for a loop. I did TERRIBLE things to myself and my mother, my mum got frustrated sent me to a million different councilors. But through it all I always new she loved me. That was a life saver honestly. I'm now married own a home and a son. I have a degree. And me and my mum are so close.
So my suggestion is keep pushing for profesional help yes, but also never stop showing her you love her. Tell her you are on her side, that you understand what she's feeling but that your no1 goal in.life is to keep her alive.
Also if it helps, apparently a teens frontal cortex shuts down for maintenance and is similar to a toddlers brain. Sometimes knowing that helps us understand how irrational they can be.
I have been here before when my son was 12, they were some really tough times, my boy was getting suspended alot from school, he attacked me, he smashed holes in the walls of his room.
We went through headspace for psychology and started on zoom as he didn't want to go in to the office so I compromised. After a while he decided to go in and meet his psychologist face to face. We got a doctor's certificate and dropped school for 6 months - I believe this helped alot as it allowed him to focus on his mental health, after 6 months we slowly integrated back in school with 3 day weeks, we also sent him to a new school for a fresh start ( obviously we disclosed his problems to the school first).
We helped him find a hobby that helped him release the pent up frustration he had and supported him best we could (he chose skateboarding and is actually pretty good at it too which also helped him feel good about himself).
My boy is 16 now and we survived, he's a different boy now days, he's back at school full-time and acing all his classes, he has a lovely group of friends and is looking at getting a job to work around his school hours for extra money to save up for his own place after he finishes school. He's responsible and respectful. He still has his pup, she is his best friend and although he needed encouragement to begin with he has taken full responsibility for her and I think it's helped him mature up a bit.
It's been a very difficult road, there were nights I cried all night long I thought my boy was going to end up in jail or dead but it was every sleepless night and all the steps we had to take because it is something else to see him dig his way out if the "black hole" to become such a lovely young man.