Teens + dating + social media = nightmare!!!!!

Apologies in advance, it’s a long, detailed one!

My 15 year old son is autistic, very trusting and loyal, even to people who hurt him. Has zero bullsh*t radar, is easily manipulated - always has been. He attended a ‘special’ school but wanted to go to mainstream when we moved states (year 10).

He had a girlfriend at a different school. They hung out in our home, occasionally at the shopping centre/movies. We didn’t allow him to go to her house; her parents really let her down so she lives with her 17 and 19 year old siblings. She has a timid, shy demeanour and I observed her as sneaky and manipulative on a few occasions. She did things like making fun of and filming my youngest (also autistic) child playing VR to send to her friends.

They were planning to have sex before we moved; she bought condoms over (my son tells me everything, over sharing even, and we talk extensively about consent and respect and have open conversations about sex). I didn’t see her come in once so opened his door like normal (we knocked if she was there); they were clothed, making out, she was straddling him, very into it, in control, didn’t look pressured in any way. His door did not have a lock and my younger child was in the next room, I was always home, my husband often too, so when she left I explained having sex with us right outside would not be appropriate and it was very important to have the right environment. They did not get an opportunity to do it before we left.

After the move, his new school friends connected with his friends back home on social media. All good until he posted a photo with a female friend (he’s always been friends with girls). Girlfriend flipped out, they broke up, he was devastated.

I visited home shortly after and saw her. Before long, her and her friend tracked me back down with a photo of a phone with a vulgar message on it. She was nervous, saying “I don’t want to do this” but her friend insisted. The user name had my son’s name in it but was not the same as his actual user name. As such, I doubted its authenticity but kept an open mind. She watched my stories on instagram for a short time and then stopped (we don’t follow each other but my profile is public. I don’t post anything about my children).

Soon after, a girl from school got in trouble for throwing something at my son in class; he had annoyed her. Her and girlfriend talked on socials so girlfriend sent her a list of things that my son had allegedly done like always cheated, pressured her into physical stuff, said other girls were prettier so she should kill herself… awful things.

I’m not delusional; I know he’s not perfect. He misses social cues, doesn’t realise his abruptness offends people, sensory overload makes him snappy, his facial expression looks aggressive when there is a lot to process and it puts people off, he says stupid things, he can be impulsive, his sense of humour is often not my cup of tea….. but he is so not the guy in her list.

The girl from school ran with the implied SA allegation and made a ‘hate page’ on instagram with a fake user name posting the list and photos of my son with his full name, captions inciting violence and snippets of text conversations with no context that made him look bad (I read the entire conversations and they definitely weren’t how they were made to look, some were just lyrics from rap songs). She even started following me and sent me a message - girlfriend gave her my user name.

I contacted girlfriend (very nicely!) - she said “people just assumed he SA’d me but I didn’t actually say it”. I hate it so much as I’m a very vocal and active supporter of women. I’m 100% certain more men lie about assaulting women than women lie about being assaulted but here we are!

It caught on like you wouldn’t believe! The kids were savage with relentless harassment and threats of violence. The gang mentality of her friends back home and the kids in our new town was scary! Nobody here had loyalty to the new kid they’d just met and her friends there believed he had done these things. Teens joined in that neither he or she even know. The school got the police and esafety commission in. I withdrew my son immediately and he left his casual job when kids started hassling him there.

Months passed, I thought it was over… until we visited back home last fortnight. Girlfriend and her friends saw my son and his friend (a girl) at the shopping centre and started screaming at him, made a real scene. They didn’t know I was there. I tried to talk to her, she ran away so I sent her a message. She continued lying. I’ve not called her out for anything she’s told me that I know to be untrue, I’ve always been nice and supportive. She insisted again she just wants to forget about it but I was quickly informed she was talking about him and me on social media again. She leaked his phone number; he was bombarded with threatening texts and calls.

Her MO is to put a little spark out there for other teens to turn into a wildfire while she steps back acting like she doesn’t know why it’s gotten out of control! She is thriving off the sympathy. I get it, her parents were not what she deserved so she’s never had appropriate guidance and support. All these teens ‘having her back’ gives her the validation and attention she craves.

It’s been over six months since they broke up but she clearly isn’t letting go anytime soon! The obsession is real. I’m anxious and scared for what she might instigate next. It’s been two weeks since the shopping centre incident and she’s watching my stories daily. I haven’t blocked her as I worry that if she doesn’t have the stories for little glimpses of my life, she’ll go looking for other ways or retaliate against my son when she realises she’s blocked.

Should I look into a restraining order or similar? She’s only 16. What would you do?? Please share any experiences and outcomes!