Wanting some advice (please be nice)
We (hubby of 16years) have a 16yo only child son. At 16 this year we relaxed some of his restrictions on the internet and he's got onto snapchat. He's connected with a girl who used to go to his school and apparently started chatting and then more. He's started going out with this girl who at the time was 15 but now she's 16. Through whatever issues she had at school, she's now being "homeschooled" We've accepted this but have had some issues with her family as her father has been known to drive her to the highschool to see my son during lunch times as she does not go to school. Her father has even driven her out to our place without our permission while we are not home. ( My son was in big trouble for allowing this to happen)
Back story we live 30kms out of the big town in a smaller country town and try not to waste petrol and only go to town when needed for work or shopping whatever. His mantra at the moment is that we are ruining his social life by not bending over backwards to go and see her. He has spent some time with her afterschool when my hubby finishes work at 6pm son goes home with him but when this cant happen and plans change son is getting angry and has stated that we are ruining his life. Also since he has met this girl he has been in trouble with school and has gotten suspended for use of his mobile phone.
Just wanting some advice on the situation
16yo boy girlfriend issues
16yo boy girlfriend issues
Posted in:
Teenagers, Tips and Advice, Dating & Sex
14 Replies
Why can't they see each other? You won't win at this age when it comes to girlfriends and boyfriends. You're better off welcoming her and getting to know her, not just what you know on the surface. Your son is old enough to just leave and is also very close to being an adult, having a girlfriend is not some rebellion its a stage of life. How you act now will shape his boundaries in the future when it comes to his girlfriends, one of them (including the current one) could be the future mother of your grandchildren. You don't want him keeping his distance in the future and that's all this behaviour does.
OMG let him see her, take him to see her, do you remember what it was like being a teen?
The gf's dad sounds like a loving father, doing what he can for his daughter. He also obviously likes and has a lot of respect for your son, you've obviously raised him well.
Imagine living in the middle of whoop whoop as a teen and your parents are too stingy to pay for petrol and take you into town.
Treat him with understanding and respect, you won't have him much longer, cherish these days.
His mantra is correct, you ARE ruining his social life, he didn't choose to live out in the country.
Poor kid.
Also using snapchat and having a gf at 16 is not a crime, it's normal.
Loosen the reins mate.
also not sure why she needs your acceptance to home school and they are around the same age, not sure why her being 15 was an issue.
I am both for, and against this.
30km isn't that far. Can't he spend weekend time with her?
Part and parcel of having teenagers is driving them places, especially if you choose to live outside of town or in an area where there’s limited transport options. And I don’t mean you have to drop everything and be a personal taxi driver 24/7 but you do kinda have to suck it up drive your kid places that aren’t 100% essential from time to time.
I understand that times are tough and petrol prices are pretty high but what your son is probably taking from your view point is that his social life and his independence are a waste of time and money. That’s most likely why he feels a little hard done by.
I’m sure there’s a compromise here is all I’m saying.
I can also tell you’ve already decided you don’t like this girl, that might even be subconscious on your part but it’s very apparent. You need to open your mind and get to know her, why not invite her over for dinner or to spend the day one weekend.
I think you’ll find that if you help facilitate them spending time together, your son won’t be feeling he need to sneakily use his phone at school to talk to her.
I was the teen who lived out of town, in a small community area, with parents who wouldn't drive me anywhere as it wasn't important to them, or cba.
I can still feel the resentment, feel how I was unimportant (parents would drive in for their own wants/needs), lonely, and excluded from all social stuff or extra curricular activities going on with friends. I was incredibly jealous of other teens whose parents saw their activities & lives as important.
So, I found my own way. I latched onto anyone with a licence, started sneaking out, lying and whatever I had to do to get out & about. It was often bad types & I had some horrendous experiences & did things I shouldn't & didn't want to, just to be out.
I swore I'd always live in town when I had DC & probably go overboard now making sure they can attend things & socialise.
Oh and be nice to the girl. Being constantly told you're not good enough for someone's son does affect you.
If you choose to live out of town you have to suck up the driving. Your teen won't sit at home forever. Bets on he moves into girlfriends house asap, them you'll have no say at all.
I have a best friend whose mum wouldn't drive her anywhere, we are in our 40s and she still resents her for it.
I can't stand selfish parents and they only have one child, imagine if they had 4 to drive around.
30 km, at minimum 60k/hour, 30 minutes...
Yes, I'm still resentful, in my 40's, too. Especially since they make the effort for my brother's kids, three hours drive away. Go for grandparents day, birthdays, etc.
It doesn't leave you.
i'm so sorry they have made you feel that way x
Thanks X.
You have asked us to be nice, my advice, take your own advice.
Your unrealistic restrictions are causing him to rebel. He is 16, and clearly missing out on a local life. Make allowances. Gosh even have sleep overs. Have the safe sex talk. You can't blame the gf for his actions.