Struggling to come to terms with the mess that has become my life, and i don't know how to cope.
14 months ago hubby and i decided to extend our family and try for another baby. 7 months ago, we decided to sell our house and build our next home. This meant moving in with my parents. I was worried about how it would go as my father and i have always fought relentlessly when we've lived together, however i had thought that since i was an adult now, with my own family, things would be different.
At the same time Dr's realised i have a fertility problem, (medically very involved but let's just say the biggest issue for pregnancy was no ovulation), and started me on fertility treatment.
Since we moved in, my parents have started on the path of a really messy separation, including my dad cheating, and my mum has moved out. Obviously, fights between myself and my dad have become pretty bad, not only about the issues with my mum, but he calls me a terrible mother, who has feral children, lazy, the disappointment of his life etc etc, all based on the fact that I'm a sahm... My kids were screamed at constantly for making the slightest noise or accident. It's been hell.
In between all of this, i fell pregnant with twins, but 3 weeks ago i lost them. On the day i lost them, my dad instead of being where he said he was, was a state away, running around with the new 'thing'... and i couldn't contact him all day...
A lot of nasty things have been said, and we've since moved in with friends to try to get away from the situation.
But now I'm left with my family in shreds, my mum is devastated and homeless, my dad is angry with everyone, my hubby and i are living off the kindness of friends, my kids are totally confused, and somehow in amongst all that, I'm trying to deal with the loss of our precious babies we fought so hard to conceive. I feel like i haven't had time to even comprehend my grief, as all hell broke loose the day i lost the twins. I just don't even know how to begin dealing with everything. I'm confused, hurt, angry, lost, devastated and numb all at once. Hubby is talking about trying again for a baby, but i just don't know if i can even contemplate it at this point, or cope... How do i move forward? How do i not hate my father? How do i have a relationship with him when he's looking at staying with this other woman? How do i help my mum deal with her pain when i can't even cope with my own?
Sorry it's long, but it's a mess, and this was the shortest i could make it
2 Replies
I would go to gp and get mental health plan for therapy. I would also maybe ask for some Valium or any kind of medication that may be able to ease some pain temporarily. Then try and focus on one "problem" at a time. I would say grieve for your babies first as if you don't have it under control you won't be able to resolve anything else, and it will creep back into your life at random times. Have you thought about planting a tree or having some kind of memorial or something for them? Having a place you can go to grieve and think and cry, and then when you leave try and hold it together until you can go back. As for your dad, remember your an adult now and he of course is an adult and it's his life. He can as he pleases, love him no matter what and try and keep the personal stuff out of your relationship with him. He sounds like a miserable mean man so try not to bring up all that stuff and just try and have casual conversations with him. Now that you've moved out if he brings up your mum or your parenting then leave or hang up as now your in control of what gets to you. Good luck to you in this hard time,you'll get through.
Oh honey, get yourself off to a GP ASAP to get yob to a counselor. I'm sorry for your losses and that you've has all these things go on at once. Honestly I wouldn't be trying to get pregnant at this stage, in fact I'd be doing anything to not get pregnant. And that's not because a baby wouldn't be loved but because you sound like you need time to grieve, get your family re-settled and stable so when you do get pregnant your not under uneccessary stress x