How do I stop my anger?!
Hey ladies,
I know this has probably been asked a million and one times but how do I stop being angry at everyone who tells me they're pregnant?
So my husband and I have been trying for quite a long time to have children with little to no success, we have had two miscarriages and that is it.
My issue is, my sister is due to have a baby next year and 2 of my cousins are also expecting next year! I can't get excited or even be happy about any of it. I'm not excited to be an Aunty, I haven't done the normal things sisters do when one is having a baby and i just hate myself for it!
I hate the person I have become! I am so angry at everyone! I say horrible, nasty things to people and to be honest I am just a downright bitch at times (even worse than my hormonal pregnant sister ?)!
I am finding, that with every person that tells me they're pregnant, I am becoming more doubtful and disappointed in myself! It just seems like I can do nothing right at the moment and I can't stand it.
Everyone tells me that the only person that can change is me and I get that but I just can't do it! I don't know how to change something that I can't even control!
I also have a weight issue that I can't seem to manage. Whether I eat McDonald's all day or don't eat for weeks the weight just doesn't go anywhere (that's a little dramatic but it's how I feel at the moment). I don't want to join a gym as I don't have any friends and no one to go with. My partner works 17 hour days 5-6 days a week so on his day off he just wants to go do stuff, not go to the gym.
How do I do it? How do I stop hating myself and everyone else? How am I suppose to stop being a complete cow in the process of all this? And how the hell do I lose this weight???
Thank you for reading ladies any advice is appreciated good or bad because trust me you can't say anything worse than what I've already heard ?
How do I stop hating pregnant women???
How do I stop hating pregnant women???
Posted in:
Loss & Grief, Loss of a Child (My Story), Pregnancy
5 Replies
It sounds like you need a psychologist. They can be a safe place to vent, they can help you with practical strategies to help move your life forward.
Firstly. ...breathe. big, deep breath. You sound like starting to focus on your own health (happiness, weight, stress etc etc) is what you should be pouring all your energy into rather than falling pregnant. Depending on how much weight you're carrying, that could be the very reason you're struggling. My gf struggled for years. Was about 20kg overweight and she did light n easy.....after losing about 10kg she fell pregnant without 'trying'. This is after years and years and failed Ivf attempts. She stayed healthy and active after first bub and fell pregnant again only a little more than a year after bub was born. As for your feelings, you can't control what you're feeling. But you CAN control how you respond to them. Fake it til you make it! You want to do nice things for your pregnant sister? Do them. You want to be nicer to people when they share pregnancy news with you - be nicer. You'll feel better about yourself. Spend the rest of your energy on positive adjustments to your life and overall health. I can personally recommend 12Wbt for fitness and weight loss. But at the end of the day - it really all does come down to you. And you CAN do this.
Hi There, big hugs to you lady! What I'm about to say applies to you and your partner BOTH. First you have to understand that making a baby is something that is very hard to control. It's 1 part effort (and I'm sure you guys are putting in 100% here), 1 part science (you can both help this part with weight loss and other lifestyle changes) and the third part - something inexplicable (call it "magic"). You two can do everything right in part 1 and part 2 and still the magic may not come through. So it's very important that you don't ask yourself, "is it me?", "what am I doing wrong?" or "why can't I get it right?" because that inexplicable third part is simply beyond your control. I can offer you some suggestions to get close to 100% in part 2. The first is - do NOT stress. Ridiculous, I know but stress is known to have a negative effect on conceiving. Understand that certain things are beyond your control and refuse to take on the stress and pressure that goes with being solely responsible for making a baby - which you are NOT. Second - switch your focus to your weight loss and do it for the sake of losing weight and nothing else. A combination of resistance training, cardio and Pilates will get you the most bang for buck. If like me, you are not self-motivated, you can join a group fitness class. Or spend 2 hours at the gym with your partner as something fun to do before the start of the weekend (remember you both need to work on staying healthy, not just you). Last - get yourselves tested to make sure there is no physical obstacle to conceiving. You - for your ovarian health (follicle maturity, egg health, PCOS, fibroids etc) and your partner for his sperm health (sperm count, mortality etc). Ultimately it will only happen when it's meant to and not a moment before. All the best! :)
first things first it will be okay. I'll start on the weight issue you have, I know how you feel I have always struggled with my weight and I absolutely hate going to the gym alone so I got myself a personal trainer I went to her residence where she did PT sessions it was one on one and I lost 10 kilos and she has given me the right knowledge to keep going on my own at home and keep the weight of it is hard work but it will pay off.
secondly I understand your struggle although I am lucky to have 2 kids now DH and I are currently TTC baby number 3 I'm on fertility meds have had 2 miscarriages my hubby works FIFO (fly in fly out) so is only home every other week.
if your family is not already aware of your struggle you need to sit down and talk to them tell them what is going on explain why you are being the way you are.
You need to go to a specialist and get some proper advice if you haven't already it might just be a simple issue easily fixed or you may need assistance (IVF) and there is no shame in that. if you would like a new friend and someone to talk to please let me know I will be happy to get my details to you :)
I would actually love someone to talk to that has been through this! It's hard when none of my family has been through anything like this ?