Hi IM's
Putting this out there anonymously, as I can't bring myself to tell ANYONE about this.
About 16 months ago, I found out I was having a miscarriage (first pregnancy). I didn't know I was pregnant until the doctor told me what was happening (approx 5-6 weeks).
The biggest thing I can't get past is that I had absolutely NO idea, I was going through a busy and stressful audit at work and was putting in 10-12 hour days at work for 2 weeks over this time.
In the back of my head is... If I hadn't have put as much of myself into work, could it have happened?
5 Replies
Your work load had nothing to do with your miscarriage.
Plus it's very normal to not know you are pregnant until 6 weeks and 20 years ago when I had my boy knowing around 8 to 12 weeks was quite normal as pregnant tests were not as good back then.
I was rock climbing, doing gymnastics, partying hard, going to night clubs until I found out at about 10 weeks.
Our grandmothers were doing manual labour while they were pregnant. People play professional sport while pregnant. Other people sit on the sofa and have miscarriages!
I know it's normal to question yourself buts it's also important to put those questions into perspective.
It's probably a good idea to have a chat to your GP about your fears so you can hear it from a medical professional.
I'm so very sorry for your loss xx. In answer to your question, more than likely no, it would have happened anyway unfortunately. I know it probably won't help in any way but generally these things will happen no matter what we do or don't do, just one of those shitty things in life xx
Hey hun it's not your fault at all. A 10-12 hour day is pretty common, my partner works 12 hours a day 5 days a week. It would not be the cause at all. Don't beat yourself up about it. Big hugs to you xx
I'm sorry to hear of your loss! Miscarriage sucks.
It's not your fault though. Not knowing you were pregnant and working long hours doesn't change things.
Unfortunately it happens with no reason at all.
I have had 8 losses whilst trying for my kids through fertility treatment.
Did everything by the book and it still happened.
Trust me I inderstand your pain but Dont blame yourself, unfortunately 1 in 4 pregnancy send in a loss and nothing you did or didn't do would have prevented this
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. It's so unlikely that you did anything to cause this, it's just a shit thing that happens for no discernible reason sometimes. I haven't been in your situation but my best friend has and my heart breaks for her as it does for you. She held this secret for a long time and it has hurt her deeply for all that time not feeling able to share it, only last year she broke and told me it had happened. All these years she has been godmother to my son, all these years she has loved him with me and yet mourned her own unborn babe alone. She says that her child would have been around the same age as mine, he is now an adult. That was a long time to suffer alone and I wish she'd told me earlier, sharing the burden may have helped her deal with it sooner as it is still a raw raw wound in her heart. Tell your very nearest and dearest, you don't have to broadcast it to the world but share the burden with those that love you. Speak to your GP about finding grief counselling too if you feel you need it.