Hi IM's
Looking for advice of how to deal with a situation with my 14 year old daughter. Can I please ask only the parents who have been through this (or are currently) for suggestions.
I have just found empty cans and a bottle of alcohol in her room, along with marijuana smoking items.
Up until recently she has been an amazing child and she shares so much with me (I still try and let her have her own privacy though - no one wants to share everything with their parents!). She's been moody and doesn't really want to be at home, tries to spend every minute she can with her friends, or on her phone, which I have just put down to being a teen. Not a big deal, so long as she is safe. In saying that, she's lied about being at a friends house and been elsewhere.
I'm almost at my wits end and not sure how to go about confronting her about this. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated - but again, please only from those who have been in this situation! Thank you!
How do I handle this teenager?
How do I handle this teenager?
Posted in:
Teenagers, Tips and Advice, Dating & Sex, Drugs & Alcohol, Puberty
5 Replies
Chances are there is alot more going on and the possibilities are endless.
Kids don't drink on their own just for kicks. They do it for other reasons. Its time to head to the doc and mention the changes in her moods you have noticed.
Although at 14 she has to sign to agree to you being present.
Fully expect her to have you kicked out.
Speak to her welfare officer at school they may be able to help
TBH sit down and talk to her, specifically do not confront her about the alcohol. sit down and actually talk to your daughter. if she gets upset stands up and storms away try again later and keep trying.
I'm not saying I'm a better mother I am not saying you are a bad mother. We are both just mums.
Statistically 2 of my daughters should be pregnant by now and one in drug rehab or buried. instead they are in high school getting good grades....I don't know how I did it.
well I do. I watched for symptoms. from a very young age. I know they are symptoms and not the problem. we dealt with the problem. but these problems are deep. and symptoms keep coming and not all have the same problem. but I watched for symptoms and when symptoms arise we deal with problems at the earliest possible opportunity.
my girls had a rough start their father is a predator all their aunts and uncles on one side are drug addicts and alcoholics. all their great uncles and aunts on the other side of the family are alcoholics and drug addicts. half their cousins were teen mums and alcoholics and drugs addicts they are from a broken home and they were groomed removing everything that develops naturally to protect a child.
and I knew that before they started preschool.
sit down and talk to your daughter. what you found is a symptom not the problem.
Theres a great supportive facebook page called 'help-im a highschool mum'
Its a great place to ask questions and get advice from people who have either been through or are going through it
Think back to when you were a teen, what did you get up to?
From about 15, I got up to pretty much everything you mentioned above, didn't make me a bad kid!
I was still well behaved when I tried alcohol and had the occasional bong with friends and laughed our heads off!
We didn't do stupid things or any naughty stupid behaviour.
I left school at the end of year 10 , started working full time, have ever since!
Nothing wrong with me!
Though in saying that, my daughter will be 13 this year and I am dreading if she is anything like me, cause I know that it will worry me sick and i'll feel exactly like you!
This parenting thing is hard, because we have to be so hypocritical to what we did when we were young!
I would sit down and talk to her about it calmly definitely don't approach it with anger or she wont talk to you about it.
Don't know if this is much help but I was your 14 year old daughter 10 years ago. I had a fantastic upbringing wanted for nothing but wasn't spoilt dad was a police officer mum stayed at home till my younger brother grew up. Around 13/14 I went off the rails due to dad waking out and bullying. I drank heavily got in the wrong crowd thankfully due to my upbringing and that I'd done state level and national sports since 8 I stayed on track enough to keep myself out of major trouble. Most of the crowd has been on drugs and in and out of jail. I've got a 4 year old daughter and have just graduated from uni and still doing my sports. Get her into a counsellor- she will most likely fight it and the first few visits will be a waste of money with her not talking but it will be of help in the long run. Keep your communication open with her and as much as it goes against the grain don't try to restrict her or ground her as it most likely will cause more rebellion. Show you still trust her but am worried for her. look into if she's been bullied or peer pressured or something else going on for her to do this a boy maybe? And then go from there. Good luck if she's got good support and good upbringing she should be okay my phase lasted 9-13 months then I was back to a straight A student until I turned 18 left school had 6 more months being a mess living on campus at uni then got bored and decided I liked how I was bought up better than who I was turning into