Hi mum, I am not sure if you can help me out as my daughter is 13 but if you could put this up I would appreciate it as I am desperate for constructive advice xx
I need help... My 13 year old daughter has been "dating" her boyfriend for the last 4 months. The problem is he is 17!!
I will not allow her to go to his house or go on dates with him but I did allow him to come to our house (they have to sit in the loungeroom under supervision) and only one or two days a week.
I have been making a point to make sure my daughter still hangs out with her girlfriends as not to be totally consumed by this boy. But I have found out that for the last month everytime she has gone out with her friends she is actually meeting up with him!
I worry that he is being very possessive of her. If she doesn't answer his calls straight away her will start txting her (she will have 5 texts in a matter of minutes ranging from "where are you babe" to "why don't you love me anymore" to "I will die without you" then back to "I'm sorry babe") and he was constantly calling and texting her during her all girls Bday party last week which made her feel guilty that he wasn't invited.
I am 99% sure they haven't gone all the way but I am starting to worry what have they done?!
I don't know what to do, we live in a small country town that only has one high school and I am honestly worries what his reaction will be when I try to end it. HELP!
17 Replies
Get help from professionals! He sounds like a very unhealthy young man. Talk to her school, get her a counsellor. Perhaps talk to a domestic violence support group of some kind. Also if he has done anything that would be called rape, so if you have any confirmation press charges! Make sure you are dropping and picking her up and communicating with her friends parents. And no I would not be allowing him in my house. If you have to get your daughters phone number changed. But your daughter over all needs help to see how unhealthy this relationship is and will need counselling.
Tell his parents to keep him at home and away from your daughter. I would keep her away from him as much as possible. If she was 15 or 16 I'd say okay maybe let them see each other but nope not at 13, I would get cops involved if possible.
Yeah at 15/16 I would be worried but wouldn't see how forbidding it would work but at 13, way way too big an age difference at that age!
I would get her into some kind of sport or group or community activity too, maybe even take her to talk to other women who have been in controlling relationships, she needs to know him contstanlty msging her isn't love it's abuse and she needs to learn that asap!
A 16/17 year old boy is at a very different place than a 13 year old girl, emotionally, physically and sexually.
I actually think it is illegal for a 17 year old to date a 13 year old, I would talk to his parents first and ask them if they know their son is going out with a 13 year old and if they are know talk to your daughter school councilor or even go into a police station and get some info. Also have a talk with your daughter tell her the ugly truth, that 17 year old boys are not interested in holding hands, and once he gets what he wants it is highly unlikely that he will stay with her. Also about pregnancy and STI's and basically tell her you forbid it, she will be angry with you now but she will thank you when she has completed school, working in her dream job and finds the right partner at the right time.
It's not illegal for them to date sadly but is definitely illegal for him to touch her sexually.
It's not illegal for them to date sadly but is definitely illegal for him to touch her sexually.
I agree with what people are saying here. Nip it no. The sooner the better, it's not a relationship, he's way too old and there is a massive difference in growing up from 13 to 17. Protect her because she doesn't know any better and deserves for her first time to be with someone equally still fumbling and learning, not a 17 year old!! It is not good for her, definitely not a good experience to start your sex / romantic life. Show her this is not healthy, let him know this is not Ok, and do not fear him. If you fear him, what on earth will she do?! His decisions are his, if he proves unstable then better you're distanced from him, if he threatens empty threats you've learnt about him and again, teach her these are qualities to avoid in a man, it's not a healthy connection and you should recognise and break away asap.
Get her far away from him. I was her done years ago. It didn't end well. Move if u have to.. Good luck x
You are the parent. End this relationship straight away. Imo it should never have been allowed in the first place. I'm sorry but first if anything has happened sexually it's illegal, secondly there is a massive developmental difference from a 13 year old girl and 17 year old young man who will be 18 within the next 12 months. Best of luck.
My partner's just turned 15 yo daughter was dating a 21 yo guy. He reported the guy to the police who took it seriously. IMO a 13 yo is way too young to be dating a 17 yo. He could be charged with child abuse if it goes further. I'd ground her for her own safety.
My honest answer. This was me similar rules everything we still managed to have sex alot.
I know have a 14 year old daughter and she is not allowed boys over she does not go out by herself very often at all her phone and fb arw checked by me daily and if i suspect tampering with messages she loses fb and her phone.
I migh seem like im smothering my daughter but ahe doesn't mind following the rules as they have always been their.
If i was you i would probly restrict outside activities and take her phone from her chamge her number and get rid of the boyfriend . You need to hold ur ground ur the parent
and she needs to learn about healthy boundaries in a relationship so maybe get a health care plan put in place so she can get some couselling. Good luck from one mother to another. Xo
This was me, except he was older than 17.I wish to God my mother had stepped in, but....we have never had a close open relationship. too much background there to go into. But she never stepped in, or half heartedly did, and you know what? Since she pretty much did nothing, off I went and did what I wanted. Depending on what sort of relationship you have with her, I say step in, and step in wholeheartedly. If you can't talk to her, take her to someone who can. I have sooooo, soo many regrets from that age and I wish to God I'd had a different set of parents. As far as I was concerned if she didn't stop me then she didn't give a shit about what I did.
Does she have positive male attention from father type figures in her life? Whats she searching for? Why is she charging so fast into adulthood? Id knock this on the head quick smart but be mindful it might happen again. There are underlying issues I'd say.
My sister started dating at 13, he was 17.No actual full sexual experience but he managed her life, got her to quit school after year 10 and get a dead end job so they could marry when she was 18.My parents planted the foot at that stage and broke it up.She married someone else at 20 and never developedvto independant adulthood.If he is a MAN he will wait until she finishes year 12 to approach her again.
I was your daughter, my 1st boyfriend / 1st kiss was a 17 year old, he was extremely respectful and never tried to go too far, buuut that was in 1994... I had no idea and sex wasn't something I thought about. He broke up with me after 5 months, broke my heart and I got over it pretty quick. This guy doesn't seem very mature, and probably not what she needs at 13.... Good luck mumma. If I was my mum, there is NO WAY I would have let that happen, and I knew that from about the age of 16... Keep her educated, and maybe a chat from a close family friend she looks up to might help xo
Not exactly the same age difference, but when I was 16 I started seeing a 26 year old (very young and stupid, he said all the right things) when my mother found out, and he came to my house she stormed outside and told him if he ever spoke to me again she would be calling the police, I never heard from him again and while at the time I hated my mum for it, now I thank her! As a 25 year old I know that man had bad intentions! Don't be afraid to make her upset, you know her interests better then her, and she will thank you one day. Good luck!