Sorry if this is a bit long however My partner and I have been trying for a baby for the past two years. Everyone talks about "the perfect time" and I think that's were we are at now. I would even go as far as saying that many people would probably be envious of what we do have. We have own a house, cars, a motor bike, we pay all our bills on time and have good jobs. Yet I would give away everything to be able to have that family we have been trying for.
Late 2015 we conceived, had our 12 week scan early 2016 all was well so we told our family in the days following. At 13 weeks we announce it to our friends on facebook. We were so excited! At 14 weeks I had a bleed, Dr's confirmed that our peanut's heart was no longer beating. We became the statistic 1in4.
I conceived again in June 2016 and we waited until 20 weeks to tell our family so we knew we were well and truly past the 'danger zone'. At 25 weeks we again announced our exciting news to our facebook friends. 26 weeks come and we were called in to have another scan and test done (my bloods and amniotic fluid) as our baby was "a little small". I wasn't worried as small babies run in my family (I was 4.4 pounds) and I had suffered severe morning sickness that resulted me in being heavily medicated.
Two days later the results were in. The amniotic fluid tested to CMV. Somewhere, somehow I contracted the CMV virus during the first trimester. My partner and I were given over night to make a decision if we would continue with the pregnancy knowing that if our baby was to live they would be severely disabled, essentially a vegetable or terminate. The following day the scan showed that our baby was deteriorating fast. So fas that we were then told that our baby would never make full term.
I was having daily scans to monitor our baby. Our baby's heart stopped beating at 27.3 weeks, I was emitted into hospital and induced at 27.5 weeks. Our little girl was born at 28 weeks. We had 5 days to organise her funeral service and cremation. We then became the statistic 1in160.
Due to the CMV virus we have been advised not to conceive for at a least 12 month period as there is a high risk of the same thing happening.
In a period of 2 weeks we have gone from having a healthy pregnancy to holding my angel in my arms. It's now been 4 weeks and I have been numb since I heard the test results. I'm still gravitating to the baby section at the shops and I'm catching myself picking things up to place in my trolley.
I guess my question is how do I process what has happened? Am I even a mum because my little girl never made it home? Do I have post natal depression because I'm numb? Can I even have post natal depression because my baby was stillborn?
7 Replies
I'm so sorry. Are you a mum, yes. Do you have post natal depression, never say never but it could just as easily be grief. Speak to a psychologist, they can help you process your feelings.
Sorry for your loss
Of course you are a mum, without a doubt.
I'm sure what happened was a huge shock. Of course you are numb, your body and your heart has gone through something huge, and to be feeling not yourself, confused, numb and a bunch of other feelings that will come later is totally normal.
I think in these situations the best thing to do is to reach out to services, because whatever label gets put on your emotional state, you deserve to be looked after, without a doubt.
So book a long appointment with your GP, get the ball rolling for a psychologist. They can help you work through everything, generally keep an eye on how you are tracking and you can be totally honest with them without pretending to be strong or 'OK'.
I could not agree more
I am so sorry for your loss. I have had 2 miscarriages. One very early at 5w. It didnt effect me to much. Then my latest one Everything was fine. I went for my 12w scan and no heartbeat. Baby measured 11w and i had him on the 29th September we 2016. I have pcos so have period issues and can take years to get pregnant. But i do have kids. You are a mother of 2 angel babies. You need to grieve for your loss. You could have depression which would be good to see a councillor which could help with what you have been through. I can understand you want to be pregnant as thats all i want but am having issues with period atm. I hope you get your baby soon.
You are most definitely a mum now and forever you grew a tiny person with a heartbeat you are a mum! I had a miscarriage June 2016, at 8wks pregnant so I can only image the pain of loosing a baby later in pregnancy, but I was the same I found myself in the baby section looking at what could have been
You need to find someone to talk to to help you manage your grief for your tiny angel.
I am so sorry for your loss, my heart goes out too you and I hope your rainbow baby comes to you soon ❤
Your grieving...and rightly so...there's no time limit on a broken heart...hope you're both blessed again very soon...hugs from a MUM to a MUM x
I had tears down my face reading this. I am just so sorry for your losses. As a Mum who did IVF I know the pain of miscarriage and just wanting to hold a bub in your arms. You're a Mum and I pray that your next pregnancy will be a full term healthy bouncing baby. I think some counseling could be helpful? You def need someone professional to help with such grief. Xx