Ladies I'm after some advice/words of encouragement.. non judgement.
I'm 28 with 2 kids both in school. So I'm a younger mum.
I travelled a little before having them however, when I had the kids I went into with the idea of doing my best. And I honestly think I'm a great mum.
I'm not a single mum, me and the father separated 4 years ago and I've done it on my own since. Sure he sees the kids from Friday arvo till Sunday lunch time every second weekend and they love him. But all the parenting and responsibilities is on me. Including financial. I'm proud of how I've done, and the life we live.
I do now have a partner from overseas, and the kids adore him. And him them..
I'm starting to feel unsettled and wanting to do more with my life and have decided that I'd like to move back with my partner to where he is from.. I'm aware that I can't/ and won't attempt to do this untill the kids are older to not be unfair to them or there Dad. ( and there relationship )
But what age can I move with them without dad's permission. I'm assuming 18? I really wouldn't want to move without them, but worry if I wait till there 18 they will be swayed by there dad's opinion and will choose not to relocate with us.
I'm really getting ahead of myself, and thinking in advice but it makes me feel excited that there is this adventure awaiting us.
Just to add that, Dad is older then me living at home with his parents paying the bare minimum child support ( $70 per fortnight for 2 children ) and is very manipulative and narcissistic.
Please, I'm not looking for any judgement. Just, advice/stories or encouragement. I want to live my life, with my children..
16 Replies
No matter where you live and wether dad is in the picture or not your kids may not want to move countries with you. By the time you can, without a shit fight the kids will have there own sense of place. I've seen this happen in my own family and in amongst my friends.
By the time your kids we that age though you might feel very differently about needing to live in the same place as your children. That's the age where they really do sprout there wings and making and building there own lives.
My parents needed to move States for my dads work opportunities and as we were all 18 we wanted to go to our local universities, our friendships were more important to us at that age (as they should be) so we stayed behind.
I remember a friend saying she could never imagine living apart from her children and how people were horrible for moving without there adult children. Of course now that they are all over 20 she is off putting roots elsewhere lol
You don't know what is in your children's future. You might find they are off travelling the world on there own at that age. So don't get ahead of yourself. You might find things are very very different in the future.
Thankyou so much for your response and I know you are so right!! Xx
Hi, i have to say im in a similar position and as shit as dad is, whilehes seeing them often, you cant take them away especially overseas.
im sure there are mums who would and have, this is my decision based on them having a relationship with him, and while hes there doing his part (even if it is shitty in your opinion). Your kids will always be torn. I would put the idea of moving out of mind. And i am someone who aims to work and live abroad. I decided to make a home where both their parents are, and might travel and live overseas for six months or a year at a time if the opportunity comes up and their dad supports that. But they wont be pulled about where home is now or when theyre teenagers.
Thanks for your input :) as I said I wouldn't even consider it while they a young. Not untill they are 18 and adults! As far us, there Dad would never "support" anything I do. Even if I moved 5 mins down the road.. if it's not controlled by him, then it's not happening.
Oh right, i read it as you didnt want to wait til then. You wont know whats happening then, as above poster said its impossible to plan where the children will be and what their goals will be but where you are will always be home for them.
Lol, ? That's ok.. I wouldn't even consider taking them away from him despite my feelings towards him they love him and deserve the ability to have a relationship with him..
Thankyou.. I just find with being younger I want something to, look forward to but you guys are so right there is absolutely no way of telling what will be happening in the future
No harm in planning and preparing though. I got a teaching degree my plan is that when my kids are grown I can travel and work in different countries around the world.
Just curious, what country is It? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, it's just that your story has peaked my interest.
Germany. What about it has "peaked your interest"?
Not my post but if he speaks german get him to speak it to the kids daily at home. So you all learn. Theyll sponge it up and if they have that connection it will work in your favour of them feeling comfortable and interested to go spend time there.
Living overseas is very interesting to me, Germany would be awesome, I hope you get to do it one day, good luck. It would be an awesome experience for the kids too, shame your ex is a douche ?
First of all while $70 per fortnight for 2 kids may not be a lot it is certainly not minimum. I know a lot of people who get way less than that.
Secondly, no you can't just move them without his permission...and when the kids are 18 they are adults and may want to move out on their own.
Is there any reason your partner can't move to you instead?
For gods sake, read the post, she lives with him and hopes one day to move back to his home country. She respects her kids relationship with their father and knows she can't do it at this time.
Thankyou!!! Xxx
Wow how rude are you!
Sorry for misreading the post, a lot of people actually also misread it if you read the comments so I wasn't the only one!
I'm the poster and I actually feel really sad reading the responses I understand it's not the absolute minimum. ( this is more then he used to pay but only because he owes a lot so it's being paid off )
I don't intend to move the kids away from there father, and my partner lives her with us and is a great step dad I'm just open to the possibility of moving to his home country when the kids are old enough to decide.